What about now?
by Dareia
Summary: SEQUEL TO 'REBEL WITH CAUSE' Alex and Tim came a long way in their life. They are 24 and far from the two problematic kids who they were. They are successful and loved by everyone. What happens when they met again?
1. Prologue

**Hello, Ladies. Here's the first chapter for the sequel of 'Rebel with cause'. I'm so excited about it :) I was kind of sad I hadn't got more reviews for the last chapter. I thought I managed to make it heart breaking... Well, hell I stop complaining.  
You know what you have to do if you want update ;)**

**betareader: Fleur LB**

**PROLOGUE**

**_Here we are everybody, the Cowboys first chance in 25 years to get to the Superbowl._**

_Tonight could be Alex Sawyer big night. Nine nominations. Unbelievable, she's nominated in R&B, rock and pop categories. She would be the winningest woman in a single night and she only has to win seven of her nominations._

**_Tim Riggins has an incredible season behind him. He's carried the team on his shoulders. Let's hope he can deal with the pressure and take us to the gates of Heaven._**

_Record of the year, song of the year, album of the year, best female pop vocal performance, best pop vocal album, best rock performance by a duo/group with vocals, best rock song, best R&B performance by a duo/group with vocal, best song written for motion picture/television or other media. And she's only 24, people._

**_And the game has started. Patriots versus Cowboys. It's on._**

_And the Grammy goes to… Alex Sawyer._

_**Oh, no! Touchdown for the Patriots. The Cowboys seem like they're falling apart. It seems like there's big problem, folks.**_

_That's the third for Miss Sawyer tonight, and still six to go, including the most important ones._

**_14-9 to the Patriots. And here comes Tim Riggins again. Let's pray he can do something with the evil conditions on the field._**

_And she just won the sixth. Congratulation! The only question for tonight is will Alex Sawyer win the record of the year and break all records._

**_Johnny McKenzie lost the ball. Interception! Tim Riggins has it. The road is clear in front of him! He can run! GO!_**

_She made it! Lucky number seven, she says. What a talent!_

**_TOUCH DOWN! TIM RIGGINS MADE IT! THE COWBOYS GO TO THE SUPERBOWL!_**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hi, Ladies. Wow, I was surprised to see I only had to ask for reviews and I got it instantly. Thank You so much :) I got my tattoo so I'm very happy and your feedbacks made my day even more. I can't stop grinning :D**

**The same goes now, I'll update if I get at least 5 reviews. Love y'all ;)**

**betareader: Fleur LB**

**CHAPTER 1**  
**ONE LUCKY BITCH**

Alex slept peacefully. She had had a long night at the Grammy, but it wasn't like she would complain about it. She was happy, even if she did have to wear high heel shoes for an entire night. How could she not be happy?

She wrote history last night. Her dad would be so proud of her. She couldn't even describe the feeling. The feeling of being accepted and loved. There was no word for the admiration she got from her fans, letters, emails, and her favourite: the concerts when she could meet with all those people.

When she left Dillon's little town seven years ago, she'd had no clue what to do with her life. She travelled without aim for months, not finding her place. She was lost until she met with Mike Riley in Los Angeles.

She was working as a waitress in a little restaurant when Mike walked in, in all of his glory. He was 23 then, just as lost as she was. They became friends quickly. When Mike first heard Alex sing, he literally started to cry. Alex always laughed, saying he was the gayest gay she had ever known.

Mike started to push Alex, trying to convince her she had to make the best of her talent. Alex gave in, thinking there was no chance somebody would want to give her a contract.

It turned out she was wrong. Mike gave her demo to an insider he knew at Sony Records and that was it. Alex's life turned upside down. She got a bunch of awards, including three Grammys for her first album and millions of fans all over the world. Alex became an international star instantly.

It was lucky she changed because probably the old Alex wouldn't have dealt with all of the attention as well as the new Alex did. Fans and paparazzi everywhere, not a chance for a private moment.

Though Alex didn't really mind that she didn't have many alone moments. She enjoyed every minute of her new life: the tours, the traveling, the money and the way she could use it to help people. She didn't have time for private life with all the charities and fan meetings. If she wasn't on the road, she was at the studio, but she didn't care.

Of course, she had some passing romances but nothing serious. And it was all okay until about a month ago when something had changed in her. She didn't even know what happened but she got tired of her lifestyle.

Alex told Mike she needed a break. Naturally, he was very sympathetic. After all she'd made four albums, done four world tours, performed countless little concerts and gotten many awards in a very short period of time. So they talked it over and decided she would have some rest after the Grammy Award.

She didn't have the heart to tell Mike maybe she wanted to quit for good so she could find a guy and raise their yet-unborn children as normally as she could. Yes, she wanted to settle down.

Alex's phone started to ring, "I'll be there for you." waking her up from her dreams. She groaned when she saw it was only 3 in the morning, thinking one day she would kill Mike Riley, no matter what an awesome friend he was.

"What?"

"You're going to sing the national anthem at the Superbowl!" Mike shouted on the other end of the phone.

"Fine, I'll be there," Alex answered, sleepy, ending the call, so she could go back to sleep.

After a few seconds her eyes sprang up at the same moment when her phone rang again.

"I'm going to sing at the Superbowl!" she shouted to the phone, jumping on the bed, literally starting to scream.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't believe this is happening with me!" she continued to scream.

"You're going to sing at the Superbowl!" Mike shouted, entering the room, joining Alex on the bed.

Mike had a key to Alex's place, which was very useful since he practically lived there.

"Wow, dude, jumping on the bed is tiring," Alex sighed, laying next to Mike.

"I think I got deafened when you screamed to the phone," Mike smirked, staring on the ceiling.

"Are you going to sue me?" Alex laughed.

"Haven't decided yet," Mike shrugged, grinning at her.

"You can call my manager when you decide. His name is Mike Riley, he's a great guy," Alex said, grinning back at Mike.

"Now that we're up, we could watch the game I missed," Alex reached for the remote, excited.

"Hell no, not football again. You know the result anyway, I know you looked it up. What's the point watching it?" Mike rolled his eyes.

Mike Riley and football weren't friends at all, but Alex always made him watch the games, not caring whether he liked it or not.

"I still have to watch it. Dallas got in the Superbowl after 25 years, it's huge. But you are free to go, my friend," Alex grinned at Mike wickedly, knowing he wouldn't leave.

"I'll stay but you'd better know only because of Mr. Riggins. I tell you that man is a walking god. I mean have you seen those muscles? And those eyes…" Mike said as Alex turned on the dvd player.

"Yeah, I've seen," Alex sighed, dropping the remote next to her.

Tim Riggins was a subject that came up next to her dad to the 'don't talk about it' list. Not even Mike knew about the relationship Alex had had with Tim. Alex tried to keep it simple when Mike drooled over Tim, which happened every time he saw a chance to talk about Tim. Mostly she just let him rambling about him, it was the easiest way to deal with his obsession.

"Who knows maybe he's gay," Mike added, sheepishly.

"He is not," Alex said, flatly.

"How could you be so sure?" Mike groaned. "Just because he's a football player…"

"Mike, trust me, he is anything but gay," Alex cut Mike off, rolling her eyes. "And now let me watch the damn game."

"Wait a minute…" Mike murmured, reaching for his bag. "That's it," he bursted out, lifting up something.

"Why do you have Men's Health in your bag?" Alex raised an eyebrow, turning to her friend.

"Ah, I see," Alex made a face when Mike hold the magazine in front of him victoriously, Tim smirking (what else he would do?) on the cover.

Alex turned back to the tv, while Mike started to read the article about Tim.

"Oh… Ha…Hmm… Very interesting…" Mike mumbled, glancing at Alex.

"What's so interesting? He can lift up 10000 pounds or what?"

"Did you know Mr. Riggins was also born in Dillon?" Mike asked, suspiciously.

"Yep," Alex answered, thinking these were the times she could use a cigarette, too bad she gave it up years ago.

"Do you know him?" Mike looked at her with wide eyes.

"Yep," Alex said, her eyes still on the screen.

"You know him?!" Mike asked, furiously. "You know him and you didn't tell me? How can you call yourself my best friend?"

"Mike, I have to tell you something, I know Tim Riggins," Alex said, bored.

"Too little, too late," Mike turned back to his magazine, sulking.

"Mikey Mike, don't hate me," Alex smiled at him, sweetly, hugging him.

"Details and I will think about forgive you," Mike ordered her.

"Mike," Alex sighed, frustrated.

"Come on, spill it, girl," Mike patted her on the shoulder. "Is he really that godlike? What about the muscles? And the eyes? Are those real or just Photoshop?"

"Yes, he is really that good looking, the muscles are real just like the eyes. Satisfied?" Alex rolled her eyes.

"Did you sleep with him?" Mike looked at her, curiously.

"Mike…" Alex groaned.

"Oh my God! You did! You slept with Tim Riggins, you lucky bitch! What was it like?"

"Mike!" Alex started to laugh.

"What? It's not like we haven't talk about your sexual life before," Mike shrugged, blushing.

"It was… It was angry," Alex said, thoughtfully, remembering the night she spent with Tim.

"How angry?" Mike pushed forward.

"Very angry," Alex grinned at him.

"Wow, you had angry sex with Tim Riggins. I wonder why you didn't tell me about it," Mike studied her.

"It was a long time ago and it wasn't a big deal," Alex shrugged.

"Aha, if it hasn't been a big deal, you would have told me about it," Mike said, causing Alex to roll her eyes.

"Geesh, we were only 17, stupid, reckless and angry at the whole world, okay? Just leave it," Alex said, sharply.

"Alrighty, you don't have to bite my throat," Mike said, surprised, eyeing his friend.

Alex swallowed hard. It was such a long time since she'd exploded like this, she was very calm most of the time. It was like for a minute old Alex kicked back in. Was it normal that she got so worked up? It was seven years ago.

"He hasn't got a girlfriend," Mike said, reading the magazine.

"I feel for him," Alex answered like she didn't care at all.

She felt butterflies in her stomach thinking about the Superbowl, but not because she was going to sing there, but because she was going to meet Tim again. What would it be like? Would it be awkward or they would just say 'hi' and go on like nothing happened?

Okay, it wasn't like they would meet anyway. No need to freak out. Probably, they would only see each other when she sang the anthem. They wouldn't even have to greet each other. It was going to be fun. She could watch the game from the best place, listening to Mike's frustrated sighs during the game. She'd waited for this her whole life and she was going to enjoy every minute of it.


	3. Chapter 2

**Ladies, You are amazing! Thank You soooo much for the lots of nice reviews! Keep it up, I am soooo happy you like the story :D  
The next chapter will be from Tim's point of view, dedicated to Anamia_1, love Ya, girl ;)**

**I can't promise for sure I will update after 5 reviews now, but that's sure I won't until I get it.**

**betareader: Fleur LB**

**Song: Good Life by Onerepublic**

**CHAPTER 2**  
**THE MOJO MAN BROKE THE PRINCESS**

Alex sat in a little restaurant in Dallas. She was dead tired. The flight was only three hours from Los Angeles, but Mike was worse than 100 women when it came to packing. She was waiting for Tyra and Landry. There weren't many times they could meet personally, but they stayed in the touch.

Tyra became a guidance counselor, saying she definitely knew the problems teenagers had to deal with, and Landry worked hard to be a good lawyer.

"Hey there, girlie," Tyra waved to Alex, Landry grinning next to her.

"God, I missed you, guys," Alex hugged Tyra, then Landry.

"So are you nervous?" Landry asked, not even waiting for them to sit down.

"No, she isn't. She's only going to sing in front of 100,000 people plus another one hudred million watch it in the tv. No, she isn't nervous at all," Tyra rolled her eyes, causing Alex to smile.

"Okay, I just asked," Landry said, defensively.

"I'm always nervous before I step on the stage and this is the Superbowl, so yep, I'm even more nervous," Alex turned to Landry.

"See, she didn't mind at all," Landry said to Trya.

"Like she hasn't answered this question about a million times in the last few weeks," Tyra groaned. "Did you really date Colin Farrell?"

"Now that's really more important," Landry glared at Tyra.

"No," Alex shook her head, laughing. "I was there at his movie premiere but we didn't even meet."

"Too bad," Tyra shook her head disappointed.

The magazines could come up with the most hilarious gossip. Like this one with Colin Farrell, she didn't even know the man. Or when they started to write about her secret relationship with Robert Pattinson. The guy wasn't even her type at all.

Mike started keeping a list a few years ago of the guys Alex dated according to the magazines. It was always funny to look at it, since she only had three men in her life and only one of them could say they had something to call a relationship.

"So then no man?" Landry asked.

"Nope, I'm single," Alex sighed.

"Excuse me, are you Alex Sawyer?" A girl about 6 or 7 years old stopped next to their table, staring at Alex with wide eyes.

"I am," Alex smiled at her, warmly. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"Maddison," she answered, shyly.

"You've got a beautiful name, Maddison," Alex nodded.

"Thank you," Maddison smiled back. "Would you sign this for me?" she asked, holding a guitar.

"Sure, honey. That's a very nice one. Do you play?" Alex asked, taking the guitar from the girl so she could sign it.

"Yes and I sing, too," Maddison grinned proudly.

"Keep doing it," Alex nodded, smiling, giving back the guitar.

"Thank you," Maddison said, running to her mother happily.

"What was that?" Tyra raised an eyebrow when Alex let out a huge sigh.

"What?" Alex looked at her friend dumbly.

"That sigh and the look on your face. Are you pregnant? Are you seeing somebody?"

"No," Alex rolled her eyes. "I just think about it. I'm getting old."

"Yeah, you are practically an old lady with your 24 years," Landry started to laugh.

* * *

"Hey, did you know Mr. Riggins listens to you before every single game?" Mike asked when Alex entered their room.

He laid on the huge bed, his eyes glued to the screen. Alex glanced at the tv, smirking when she saw there was some documentary film about the Dallas Cowboys.

"Since when are you such a huge football fan that you watch shit like this?"

"Since there are beautiful men in it and don't swear," Mike protested.

"Sure, sure, I'm such a fuckin' lady," Alex grinned at Mike, opening a beer.

"So did you know it?" Mike rolled his eyes.

"What?" Alex hopped on the bed next to him.

"That Mr. Riggins listens to your songs before games," Mike repeated his question for Alex slowly, frustrated.

"Nope," Alex answered, taking the spoon from Mike's hand, reaching for the ice cream.

"They say it's his mojo, your first album, but he likes the other ones, too. Once the CD went missing, and he played pretty badly, they lost the game," Mike explained.

"Then let's hope he won't lose it this time," Alex smirked, sipping her beer.

"That's just so gross when you do this, I mean the beer and the ice cream. Something is wrong with that head of yours." Mike made a disgusted face.

"I've been told." Alex put another spoon of ice cream in her mouth.

That was really interesting, Alex thought. Her first record was mostly about how she felt after everything that happened. There was a good reason the album was named 'Broken'. Was it possible Tim knew it? Don't think too much into it, girl, Alex groaned mentally.

Anyway, it didn't matter anymore what big Tim Riggins thinks or doesn't think about her, right? Right. Don't be stupid, Sawyer, you are smarter than that. I need a man, I'm getting ridiculous, Alex thought.

"You didn't hear a single word I said, did you?" Mike looked at Alex, sharply.

"You talked?" Alex glanced at him innocently.

"Yes, I did, about very important things," Mike glared at her.

"Naturally," Alex laughed.

Mike always had something very important to say, especially when it came to football, like why the Cowboys didn't wear another color because the actual one was boring, or that they could use a hairdresser no matter how hot they were.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, I just zoomed out," Alex shrugged.

"Aha, right after I told you about Mr. Riggins and his mojo," Mike raised an eyebrow, sceptically.

"Alright, you caught me. I imagined what it felt like when he lifted me up like I was an imponderable feather only to throw me into his bed and give me the best orgasm of my life," Alex sighed, shaking her head.

"Oh, he broke your heart, didn't he, sweetheart?" Mike stared at her with wide eyes.

"I lost you," Alex looked at her, dumbly.

"You use sarcasm when it comes to heartbreaks," Mike sighed. "Oh, my poor baby, come here." Mike pulled Alex into his chest. "He was the one who broke my little princess and I thought I liked him. What an awful man he could be and what a senseless, terrible friend I am."

"Mike, you're suffocating me," Alex mumbled into his chest.

"Look at me," he cupped Alex face into his hands, holding her like old ladies do with poor innocent children.

"Do you want me to beat the bastard? Or I could steal his CD so they would lose the game. Now that would be something I call revenge," Mike grinned at Alex with that scary light in his eyes that always made Alex question his sanity.

"I don't want them to lose the game," Alex blinked at Mike, dumbly.

"Oh, you are such an unselfish creature, Alexandra," Mike hugged her again.

"Well, I am a Cowboys fan since I was born, so I don't think that counts as unselfishness," Alex said.

"Whatever. I know I said it before but I'll say it again, it's a shame you are not a man, I could fall in love with you," he said, letting go of Alex.

"Yeah, that's really shame," Alex laughed, getting up from the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm taking a walk," Alex waved at him.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, but thanks for asking."

* * *

Alex stood in the middle of the stadium. One of the good things about being famous is that you could get in anywhere you wanted. The sun was going down, shining in beautiful colors. She tried to imagine what it would feel like when the place fully filled with people.

It wasn't like she hadn't performed in front of that many people before but it was still different. The Superbowl was her dream. Probably Mike didn't remember, but she said years ago when she could sing at the Superbowl, she would quit for good. And there she was, she made it and it was even more perfect that they were in Dallas.

_Woke up in London yesterday_

_Found myself in the city near Piccadilly_

_Don't really know how I got here_

_I got some pictures on my phone_

Alex sang quietly. She still sang sometimes to herself, it made her happy she still had it in her to sing for just the fun of it.

_New names and numbers that I don't know_

_Address to places like Abbey Road_

_Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want_

_We're young enough to say_

_Oh this has gotta be the good life_

_This has gotta be the good life_

_This could really be a good life, good life_

"You shouldn't be on the field."

Alex mouth curled up to a smile when she heard the familiar voice from behind her. She slowly turned around to face the man who had interrupted her little peaceful moment.

"Hey, stranger."


	4. Playlist

**Hey Ladies, this is not a new chapter. (like you can't see it) So the thing is my dear friend celebrate her birthday today so I don't have time to finish the next chapter (I have to make her "purple nurple" :LOL:)but you are all soooo nice giving me so much reviews and love that I thought I gotta send you something until the next chapter will be up.**

**So here it is, a playlist for Alex's first album. I tried to find songs what fit to Alex's personality. Hope you like it. I'm up for any suggestions about what Alex should sing, probably I will use it if somebody comes up with an idea.**

**Have a nice weekend, love ya all, be bad if you can ;)**

_Rockstar 101 by Rihanna _- I really like Rihanna's new album (the olders were okay but the newest is awesome, I love the dark atmosphere of it) and this is a really badass song and we all know Alex is a rockstar :P So I thought this song is perfect for her attitude in the beginning of Rebel With Cause.

_Poker Face by Lady Gaga _- Well, I think that's an understatement Alex is afraid to show her feelings, she's a player and built a wall around her (or a whole castle) to protect herself from everybody. Honestly, Lady Gaga starts getting on my nerves but I just can't ignore this song when it fits to Alex so perfectly.

_Be Somebody by Kings Of Leon _- KOL is my obsession nowadays (is it even possible not to love them???) I choose this song for Alex because she always felt she wasn't enough for Tim comparing to Lyla who we all know is "perfect".

_Sober by Pink _- This song is about the truth Alex tried to hide, about how she didn't like the way she lived her life.

_All The Right Moves by Onerepublic _- I truly, madly, deeply in love with this song and it's kinda goes along with Alex "optimistic" charachter.

_What If This Storm Ends? by Snow Patrol _- No words could say how much I love this song. If you know the song, you know why I chose it.

_Broken by Leona Lewis -_ I'm not a big fan of Leona Lewis but this is just perfect for Alex after she was attacked by Ryan. It perfectly tells the way she felt, why she turned away when Tim arrived (too late).

_Numb by Darling Violetta - _I suppose not many of you know Darling Violetta, the song is kinda creepy (as most of the band's songs) but the lyrics (just like the song) is awesome. Look it up, Ladies ;)

_Laugh, I Nearly Died+Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones _- My two favourite songs from The Rollings Stones and I think both of it scream for Alex, again the lyrics says everything.

_Above And Belove by The Bravery _- All Alex want to do is disappear because she doesn't see the point of her life.


	5. Chapter 3

**Hey Ladies. Be proud of me, I made it through the weekend, which is really something, believe me, Alex and her drinking habits are nothing next to what I survived :P**

**You really amaze me with all of those reviews, seriously, no words can say how fantastic you are :)**

**This chapter is from Tim's point of view, dedicated to Anamia_1. Girl, do you really want Timmy to be a stalker? :LOL:**

**Jess, meany butt poo poo face? Seriously? I laughed so hard even my tears rolled out :D**

**Update after 5 reviews. **

**betareader: Fleur LB**

**CHAPTER 3  
****LONG WAY**

Tim slowly walked down the hall of the stadium. He wanted to spend sometime on the field before the big game. He still couldn't believe he was going to play at the Superbowl. And Alex would be there to sing the anthem.

Tim thought about her a lot. He regretted everyday he hadn't told Alex how much he loved her. Because he did. He'd thought he loved Lyla, but the truth was he loved a dream, an image of Lyla. He realized his mistake as he watched Alex drive away but it was too late then.

When he first heard her on the radio, it broke his heart. Maybe he wasn't the smartest man, but even he understood what Alex sang about. He practically had run to buy her album.

Of course he had had women in his life, but he could never truly forget Alex. Probably Tim Riggins was one of her biggest fans. His teammates teased him and laughed at him all the time because of his obsession, but they learnt the hard way Tim needed Alex's album to play well.

Tim stopped next to the sideline when he saw the beautiful tall figure in the middle of the field. He swallowed hard as he watched Alex spinning around, her shoes laying in the grass next to her, her arms open wide, her silky raven black hair flying in the air.

How many times he'd thought about it, about what he would say if they met again, and now he stood there, dumbly, just staring at her.

"You shouldn't be on the field," Tim blurted out.

His heart skipped a beat when Alex turned toward him with a huge smile on her face. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her huge oceanic blue eyes shined happily.

"Hey, stranger," Alex greeted him and he couldn't say a word.

Tim studied Alex. She looked like the old Alex yet something was different in her, but Tim couldn't put his finger on the change. Maybe the missing resistance was what made her even more stunning.

"Are you going to just stand there or you are going to come here and give a hug to your long lost friend?" Alex cocked her head to the side.

"Are you going to hit me?" Tim asked, smirking.

"Haven't decided, yet," Alex rolled her eyes. "Come on, you coward."

Tim walked to her and hugged her as tight as possible. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent deeply. God, how he missed it, still coconut and strawberry.

"Did you smell me, Sawyer?" he raised an eyebrow when he felt her inhale as well.

"You smell like home," she mumbled, sighing.

"So you say I smell?" Tim smirked, letting go of her.

"Yep, beer and grass, just like the old times," she nodded. "Have a seat, make yourself at home," she smiled up at him, hopping down to the grass.

"Congrats for… for everything," Tim glanced at Alex, sitting next to her.

It was hard to find the right words now that she was so close to him. The sweet scent of her surrounded them, the sun playing on her hair, making her even more breath taking if it was possible.

"Thanks. Same for you," Alex twinkled, trying to shut the sun out.

"Your dad would be proud of you," Tim added.

"I hope so," Alex smiled, sadly.

"I'm sure."

"Nobody thinks we can win," Tim said after a few moments of silence.

"Does it really matter?" Alex turned to face him, causing Tim to raise an eyebrow. "I mean look at us, we've come such a long way. That Riggins boy and that Sawyer girl made it to the Superbowl. Who would have thought?"

"Nobody, I guess," Tim shrugged.

"Well, I guess everybody thought we'd be homeless or dead by now," Alex laughed.

"I think so," Tim joined her.

The feeling of how much he missed her overwhelmed his whole body.

"I missed you," he blurted out, holding his breath, afraid of her reaction.

"I missed you, too," Alex smiled at him.

He wanted to grab her and kiss her for all he was worth, but that probably wouldn't be the best idea even if he thought he saw a glint of desire in her eyes, too.

"You should answer that," Alex said when his phone started to ring.

"Yeah, I guess," Tim nodded, reaching in his pocket.

"Hallo?"

"Hey, Riggs, where the hell are you?" Sanchez, his team roommate, cursed on the other end of the phone.

"I am where I am," Tim groaned, causing Alex to giggle.

"Well, you'd better got yourself together and bring back your sorry ass, 'cause it's almost dinner time and the Coach'll be pretty pissed if you aren't here."

"I'm going, no worries," Tim rolled his eyes, ending the call.

"I gotta go," he sighed, looking at Alex.

"I'd better go, too," Alex hold her hand out to Tim to help her up.

Tim pulled her up with one simple movement, their bodies pressing against each other. The closeness of their body caught both of their breath, Alex was the first to glance away.

"We'd really better go," Alex murmured, brushing her hair behind her ear, anxiously.

They walked close to each other silently, stopping at the exit. They hugged each other one more time before going their separate ways.

"Timmy," Alex called back, causing Tim to hold his breath again. It was such a long time ago somebody called him 'Timmy' except Billy, but that was different.

"Hmm?" he turned back to her.

"Show'em how we do it in the South. Kick their sorry asses," Alex grinned at him.

Tim nodded, grinning back at her, continuing back to the hotel.

"What's that face?" Sanchez raised an eyebrow when Tim sat next to him, still grinning.

"We're going to win tomorrow," Tim shrugged.

"Did you just figure that out?" Sanchez smirked. "Of course we are going to win, Alex Sawyer will be there," he laughed, patting Tim on the shoulder.


	6. Chapter 4

**Hey, Ladies. So here is the next chapter and probably the last for I don't know how long. Yes, the story is going on a hiatus. I'm sorry but I've got tones of projects to do and I barely believe I will have time to write two stories. I still will be happy if you write me reviews. Thank You :)**

**betareader: Fleur LB**

**CHAPTER 4**  
**IT'S EASY TO SCARE AWAY FAN #1**

"I can't do this," Alex paced up and down in the hall, practically hyperventilating, listening to the loud noises that came from outside.

"Of course you can," Mike rolled his eyes frustrated.

It went like this all day. Alex was all nerves. First she didn't want to eat anything then she ate a whole box of ice cream. She kept coming up with the craziest ideas how she would screw up, driving Mike insane.

"But, but what if I forget the lyrics? Or I fall down? Or my dress tears? Or my voice decides to go on a vacation?" Alex continued freaking out, motioning with her hands dramatically.

"You are not going to forget the anthem and your voice is just fine, it's not going anywhere," Mike grabbed her arms, stopping her crazy circles and cupped her cheek. "Breathe."

Alex nodded, taking a deep breath, filling her lungs with air.

"And now out," Mike commanded and Alex did so. "Is it better?"

Alex answered with a nod only to start pacing again when Mike let go of her.

"I think I'm going to throw up," Alex turned to Mike, earning a groan from him.

"Sorry, princess, no time for it. You're coming," Mike pushed her toward the field.

Okay, Sawyer, you can do it. Alex tried to reassure herself before stepping out of the hall. The stadium was almost entirely full, the players were already on the field, the chorus standing in the middle waiting for her.

Breathe. She repeated to herself. Alex glanced around anxiously, her eyes meeting Tim's gaze. He looked as solid as a rock, winking at her, making Alex smile.

I can do it. She nodded mentally, stepping to her place.

After singing the anthem without any mistakes, her voice didn't flatten, she didn't forget the lyrics, Alex felt she was on the top of the world.

"Oh my God, it was amazing," she screamed, jumping on Mike.

"You were amazing, sweetie," Mike sniffled, hugging Alex tightly.

"Are ya cryin'?" Alex grinned at Mike.

"Yeah, you know how emotional I can get. And you were so beautiful out there. Just like an angel in this white dress," Mike explained, wiping away his tears.

"Oh, Mikey, you are so gay," Alex laughed, hugging him again, stroking his back.

"I've been told," Mike giggled.

"Now let's go and watch that game."

When Alex and Mike arrived to their seats, everybody was there: Billy, Mindy, Tyra, Landry, Jason, Erin and a boy. They all started to talk at the same time, everybody hugging Alex, telling her how amazing her performance was. Alex felt unbelievably happy to see her long seen friends.

"And you must be Noah," Alex smiled at the little boy in front of her, who stared at her with wide eyes.

"He's a little nervous, big fan of you," Jason laughed when he saw his son hiding behind Erin.

"Wow, they grow up so fast," Alex sighed. "It's very nice to meet ya, Noah," Alex bent down to Noah's level.

"It was very beautiful as you sang," Noah smiled at her shyly, melting Alex's heart.

"Thank you, I'm glad you liked it," she grinned at him.

Alex introduced to Mike everybody and they settled down to watch the game. After a few minutes, Alex felt a tug on her dress, seeing Noah standing next to her.

"Hey," she smiled at him.

"I wanted to ask something…" Noah glanced at her.

"Then go ahead, honey," Alex nodded, reassuringly.

"Could you come to my birthday?" the little boy looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

"Sure, that would be a pleasure," she nodded, grinning.

"Thank you," Noah screamed happily, running to his mom, telling her about the big news.

The game was about to end with a Giants victory. Only 3 points was the difference between the two team, 2 minutes left and 10 yards to go. Alex sat on the edge of her seat, grabbing Mike's hand.

"Geez, girl, you're going to break my hand," Mike hissed painfully.

"Sorry," Alex mumbled.

The players lined up and Alex stood up to see better, the others crowding around her, too. All of them caught their breath when Tim got the ball and entered the line, crashing to another player.

Everybody screamed when the referee lifted up his arms, showing it was a touch down. The stadium almost exploded by the victorious screams, the players crowded in one place on the field. Only Alex stayed still, taking sharp intakes of air. She was the only one who saw Tim didn't get up.

"Guys," her voice came out as a rough whisper. "Guys," she screamed at them and they looked at her questioningly.

The stadium went almost absolutely silent at the same time, doctors running on the field.

"Oh my God," Jason mumbled and Alex glanced at him.

"I'm going down," Billy stated, starting toward the field.

Mike pulled Alex close to him, all of them stayed silent. After a few minutes Tim stood up and Alex let out a sigh of relief. Hell, he scared her to death. Tim leaned on Billy's shoulders, limping down from the field, the fans standing up, screaming for him.

Alex couldn't really feel happy about the Cowboys' victory anymore. She was worried about Tim. He came out to the celebration with crutches under his arms and she could see he was in pain. They chose him to be the MVP and Alex thought about how unfair life was. This must have been the perfect moment in Tim's life.

She was at the after party, a glass of champaign in her hand, waiting for Mike to go back to her from the food tables.

"Hey, Alex Sawyer, right?" a guy stopped in front of him, grinning.

"Yeah, that would be me and you are Tony Sanchez," Alex smiled at him.

"That's right, the best linebacker who ever stepped on a field," Sanchez straightened his shoulders proudly.

"Well, I could not argue with that even if I wanted to," Alex laughed.

"You know, you are even more beautiful in person. The performance was breathtaking. Don't tell anybody but I almost cried," he winked at Alex.

"Leave her alone, Sanchez," Tim stepped to them.

"You won't believe it but my friend here is your number 1 fan," he patted Tim on the shoulder.

"Shut up, man," Tim groaned, glaring at Sanchez.

"Is that right?" Alex moved her gaze to Tim, smirking.

"Come on, dude, tell her," Sanchez pushed Tim a little, causing him to roll his eyes.

"How is the leg?" Alex asked, laughing, seeing Tim wasn't about to say a word.

"Fine," he shrugs.

"Don't believe him, it hurts like hell," Sanchez added. "He just likes to be the tough guy."

"I know," Alex said, her gaze met with Tim's.

"Wait a sec'. You know each other?" Sanchez raised an eyebrow, his eyes widening.

"Kinda," Alex shrugged.

"And you never told me," he glared at Tim.

"You never asked," Tim smirked.

"So how do you know each other? Have you been friends or what?"

"Or what," Alex laughed, watching Tim grimacing.

"You know what? I see Bobby there, he seems to be lonely," Sanchez said, starting away, leaving Alex and Tim alone.

"Wow, he talks a lot," Alex looked at Tim, laughing.

"That's for sure," Tim smirked again.

"So how does it feel like? Being a champ?"

"I guess I still can't believe it," Tim says, glancing away. "I dreamed about it since we were kids."

"I know what you mean," Alex smiled.

"Hey, girlie, you should try these sandwiches, they're awesome," Mike stopped next to Alex, pulling her to his body.

"I'll go and find Billy," Tim mumbled under his breath, looking over at Mike and turned away to leave.

"Oh, did I scare him off?" Mike glanced, innocently at Alex.

"You are mean, Mikey," Alex rolled her eyes, laughing.

She knew what Mike's intention was when he pulled her to his body. He definitely wanted to Tim scare away because he was still mad that Tim broke her heart. He was a great friend but sometimes way too overprotective. On the other hand, Tim still hadn't changed, he kept running when something got in his way.


	7. AN

**A/N: Hi, Ladies! It seems like this story is on hiatus for years. No worries, I'm just kidding. I won't have the oppurtunity to update at least for 2 or 3 more weeks but I promise to continoue this. Also, you can find a teaser at my blog. Hold on, it will be good. Thank You for you patience. Love, Dareia**

http:/ cathartically-sarcastic dot blogspot dot com


	8. Chapter 5

**I'm not sure there's still anybody following this one because I didn't update in years but oh, thanks for Anamia I had to do this. So if there's still anybody who's interested in Alex and Tim, say thanks for her. I won't ask for reviews but if I get any I'll be more than happy and try to keep updating.**

**Song: Smart In A Stupid Way by Steven Strait ft. Ashlee Simpson**

**CHAPTER 5  
****SMART IN A STUPID WAY**

„News flash," Mike threw something on the bed next to Alex, earning a low growl from her.

„Did I marry anyone?" she asked with heavy sarcasm, eyes still closed. God damn Mike Riley and his habit to get up at dawn, buying all the stupid magazines he could find.

„Close enough. Look," he tossed the magazines at her.

Alex slowly opened her eyes then gasped in disbelief as her gaze fell on the covers.

„Fuck," she cursed, grabbing the magazines, looking at them one by one.

She was on the cover of every damn magazine, pictures of her in Tim's tight embrace in front of the stadium. The titles said things like 'Southern forces unite', then 'Secret backup for the Cowboy', and her fave of all 'Alex set the fire to the third bar with 33', a reference to one of her song.

„When did that happen?" Mike hopped on the bed next to her.

„Before the game," Alex groaned, pushing the magazines off the bed.

„It bothers you," Mike studied her with a surprised expression on his face.

What was so surprising about it? Of course it bothered her. Have these people ever heard about privacy?

„Of course," she glared at him. „That was a personal moment, not meant to be on the covers of every fucking magazine of the world."

„It never bugged you before," Mike said, gazing her suspiciously.

„Well, it does now. Can't a girl have a peaceful moment with an old friend without everybody knowing about it?"

It truly pissed off Alex somebody was there, spying on her when she shared intimate time with Tim. Not that they did anything except being friendly but still, she felt that moment was only theirs and nobody got a right to steal it from them.

„A girl can but not Alex Sawyer, especially not with Mr. Riggins," Mike pointed out the obvious. „You're smart enough to know this is the gossip of the year."

Why did it bother her? It was nothing that didn't happen before. People invaded her personal space every time and she didn't mind. The problem was she didn't want to share Tim with anybody. Did she truly thought that? God, what was wrong with her?

„By the way, check your phone. I bet there are at least a dozen calls."

Alex reached for her cell phone on the night stand, rolling her eyes irritated when she saw she got 43 missed calls on the screen.

„I wanna make a statement," she dropped the phone in front of her, glaring at it when it started to flicker again.

„About what?" Mike raised an eyebrow dumbfounded.

„That I've got nothing to do with Tim other than growing up together."

„Sweetheart, we don't do statements about personal issues. Not to mention that would only add fuel to the fire."

How she hated Mike and his stupid cold blooded logic when rage grew inside her unstoppabely. Of course it would just make everything worse, Alex knew it but still she hated she couldn't do anything to stop the rumors.

„Whatever. I have to get myself together," she got out off the bed, stomping loudly to look for some clothes.

„Is the kid's birthday today?" Mike asked, following her with his gaze.

„Yeah," Alex answered, hoping Mike got the message that she wasn't in a talkative mood.

„I assume Mr. Riggins will be there, too," he said, pushing her lightly away from the wardrobe.

Obviously, he wasn't about to get the sign.

„I suppose," Alex shrugged. „What are you doing?"

She watched Mike as he started to rummage between her clothes.

„I'm looking for…" he pulled out a dress with a triumphant smile on his face. „This."

Alex raised an eyebrow, staring at the dress in fron of her. White dress, cherry pattern, strap to the neck, without back. It wasn't disturbingly hot but definitely not moderate.

„I planned jeans and a top," Alex informed Mike, not that she thought she could wear anything else other than what he chose for her.

When it came to clothes, there was no point in arguing with Mike.

„Of course you did," Mike snorted. „Put on that with the red high heels."

„Will do, boss," Alex rolled her eyes but she smiled, knowing Mike only wanted the best for her.

Thankfuly Alex managed to avoid paparazzi on her way to Jason's. She also turned off her phone so journalists couldn't bother her. The day went quite well. She didn't have a chance to talk to Tim about their situation. She wanted ask what was up with his leg because she only knew what she read in the papers, also knew half of that was a bunch of crap and she was concerned.

„Would you sing for me?" Noah stepped to her after they finished the cake.

„Sure," she smiled at him.

„I've got a song I wrote back then," Landry announced, proudly with a wicked grin what made Alex suspicious.

„How should I sing something I don't know?" Alex asked innocently, sensing Landry was up to something.

„I've got my guitar with me, I sing and you join in," he answered confidently, not giving a chance for her to complain.

„I'd love to see that," Tim smirked from across the table.

„Let's do it then," Alex shrugged, not sure what would come out of it.

Landry arrived back in a few minutes with guitar and a paper in his hand, sitting next to Alex. She waited impatiently what he planned, reading the first few lines. How adorable, she would bet the song was written for Tyra. He started to play sweet, slow accords then came the lyrics.

_She had eyes like crazy diamonds  
And you ran with feet of clay  
we rolled the windows tight as they would go  
It was a smoggy day  
She looked up and asked me if I ever had a lover that I did not betray  
And I turned on the radio and I looked the other way  
She said you're smart, but in a stupid way _

At that point Alex met Tim's gaze. Alex started to suspect the song wasn't for Tyra.

_And this is the price that you pay  
For being smart in a stupid way  
You stand there staring while your lover walks away  
Being smart, in a stupid way _

By that time it became obvious the song wasn't for Tyra. What a sneaky bastard, Alex noted mentally. Who would have thought Landry could trick her so easily.

_The doors they close like eyelids  
The train just pulled away  
Sometimes I smell the perfume that she was wearing that day  
And I wonder if there's anyone that I'll ever love in any way  
Maybe I'll grow up and be good someday  
__Maybe this pain I feel will go away_

Alex eyes fixed on Tim, swallowing hard as she saw, she wasn't the only one who got what were they singing about.

_So why is my heart so hollow,  
And why are my dreams so shallow?  
And why don't I ever have anything else to say?  
And why is my love so far away?_

The song came to an end, silence falling to the room until Noah started to clap his hands, rambling about how awesome they were, in the same time Tyra sent a nasty glare to her husband.

Alex was about to leave when Tim stopped next to her, clearing his throat.

„Got anything to say?" Alex turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

„I was thinking about… Maybe we could… Hang out some time," he said, hair falling around his face.

Alex almost started to laugh, seeing Tim so vulnerable was something rare.

„Are you asking me out, Timmy?" Alex asked, cocking her head to the side, clearly enjoying his discomfort.

„Depends," he smirked, almost causing Alex to forget how unconfident he was only a second before.

„On what?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

„Are you saying yes?" Tim asked back, his eyes boring into hers, making Alex shiver.

„Call me with the time and place," Alex answered, fighting a grin without any success.


	9. Chapter 6

**Ha, two updates in two days. Incredible, isn't it? About this chapter... I didn't plan this but a certain person bragging about 24/7 football tv made me do this. Yes, it's all Anamia's fault if Tim has to suffer more than I planned because we are in WAR :MUHAHAHA:**

**CHAPTER 6  
****DIE HARD THE HUNTER**

Alex sat at the table, yawning above her cup of coffee, her hair on the top of her head in a tight knot, wearing only boy shorts and a tank top. She still wasn't a morning person, if there were a way, she would avoid mornings all the way.

As she sat there, her laptop in front of her, reading the ridicoulus and fake news about her secret relationship with a certain football player boiled her blood. The fact that not only her but Tim also went back to LA brought the gossip of the year. Of course, Tim only went to Los Angeles because of his injury but no one cared about that or that they would only meet today because neither of them had the time before.

A knock on the door tore her gaze away from the screen and she ever so slowly walked to the door, standing to her toes to see who the heck came at such an impossible time of the day. Mike was away, dealing with business and she didn't know another insane morning person except… A huge grin appeared on her face and she opened the door wild, throwing herself at the mountain sized man on the other side.

„Hey, kitten," the man pulled her close, lifting her up by the waist.

„Missed me much?" he smirked, entering the door, kicking it closed behind him.

„Hell yeah, you know I did," Alex laughed, letting go of him. „How is your mom?"

„Fine enough to start bossing me around," he sat to the table with a growl, letting his gaze wander over Alex's body.

Logan Hunter was one helluva man. If Tim was big, Logan was a giant, way over 6", probably 6"3 or even more. Well built was kind of weak way to describe his body. And then there was that boyish charm, pairing with puppy dog eyes. No wonder, Logan Hunter was the dream of every sane woman.

„Glad to hear she's better," Alex giggled, imagining as the small old lady ordered the big guy around. „Want a coffee?"

„Always," he nodded. If there was anybody in the world as caffeine addict as her, that was Logan. They always laughed, there were probably more caffeine running in their systems than blood.

Alex loved the man with every piece of her heart. They met at the beginning of her career when Logan left the NAVY. The day they met a crazy man threatened Alex and she panicked but before anything could have happened Logan showed up, dragging her away. Ever since then he was her bodyguard. The bond between them was strong, Alex always felt completely safe and protected with him and something like that was priceless for somebody like her.

„You were great at the Super Bowl," he said. „I'm so sorry I couldn't be there. I tell you, I almost went crazy that something would happen with you until I weren't here."

„I know. Jack told me you called him in every fifth minute," Alex laughed, remembering Jack, the bodyguard who replaced Logan almost throwing his phone to the wall.

„I didn't left you alone for what, 6 years? Of course I was stressed," he pulled her in his lap with an easy move.

It wasn't anything new to be that close to Logan. There was a physical attrection between them from the first second but even that and knowing Logan wouldn't mind if there were something more between them didn't make Alex to step over the friendly stage. It would be more than just easy to give into him and let him take care of her still something, maybe fear that she would lose him as a friend stopped Alex to make that step.

„Still, poor guy almost got a nervous breakdown," Alex said.

„Reminds me," his hand tightened around her waist as he watched her intensely. „What's up with the player? True or false?"

„False," she swallowed, standing up to pour the coffee.

„Good," Logan nodded, mighty satisfied with her answer.

„For now," Alex muttered under her breath, putting the mug at the table, sitting across him.

She knew Logan hated other men around her and she didn't want to hurt his feelings but he had to know there was something going on.

„What do you mean for now?" he wriggled his eyebrows.

„I'm going out with him today," Alex answered, glancing away.

„I don't like this," he stated. „He's got a reputation as the biggest womanizer in the NFL."

„I know him since we were kid," Alex shrugged, knowing it was true, Tim still lived by his old habits. „Plus, I'm a big girl. I can deal with him, believe me."

„I'm just worried. I don't want to see you hurt, kitten," he reached for her hand over the table.

„No worries," she rolled her eyes, smiling at Logan warmly.

The truth was he made her think about how Tim broke her heart in the past. Was it really a smart idea to get herself involved with him again? Alex always thought she wasn't the kind of woman who made the same mistakes over and over again and now she was definitely about to play with fire what burned her dangerously before.


	10. Chapter 7

**So here we go... I really would like to know what you think about this. Who reads the story, give me a sign, please, like it or not. Thanks and enjoy :)**

**CHAPTER 7  
TORN TO SHREDS**

„Do you want me to go with you?" Logan asked Alex, making her smile. He was beyond funny with his „concern". It would be comical showing up on her date with Logan on her side.

„No," she laughed, stepping in her Converse. „I gotta go to the doctor anyway."

„Why?" he gazed her worriedly.

„No worries, just routine. Mike insisted and you know how he can be."

„Ah, right. He and his headaches," Logan rolled his eyes.

Mike was a hipochonder. There were times when it was terrible, like when he had a headache and convinsed himself he would die in any minute. It was quite a mirracle Logan was able to keep his temper cool and hadn't harm him yet.

„Anyway, can I crash here for a while?" he asked.

„Sure," Alex shrugged with a smirk. „But don't think I can't see through you, Marine."

„I don't know what you mean," Logan looked at her innocently.

„Sure, sure. So that you wanna stay got nothing to do with my date," Alex raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest.

„You think I'm staying so you can't get naughty with the player," Logan mirrored her and crossed his arms. „Wrong."

„If you say so," she grinned at him, patting a kiss to his cheek as she started out.

„Be careful," Logan said.

„Don't wait up for me," she laughed, waving as she closed the door.

* * *

_I'm sorry to be the one who have to tell you this, Miss Sawyer but through that incident in the past your body has suffered permanent damages which unfortunately effect your future plans. Miss Sawyer, you are barren._

The words echoed in Alex's mind over and over again. Barren… She couldn't have a baby. Never. She was damaged, broken, out of order. How could she get over this? She just started planning her new life out of the spotlights and now everything came down on her. Her whole future collapsed in only a blink of time.

The sound of a horn pulled her back to reality and she saw she got greenlight. Alex thought about canceling her date with Tim but decided against it, hoping she could forgot about everything for a few hours.

She would try everything to act normal. Probably that was the hardest thing she had to do in years. Emotions overwhelmed her body, rage, anger, sorrow, confusion… Alex felt like she was in a dark bubble and didn't know the way out.

She stopped the car and shuddered as she looked around. A funfair. Like she needed to be reminded more of that horrible night. She got out of the car and saw Tim immediately. Well, here goes nothing, Alex thought to herself.

„Hey," she greeted Tim, looking anywhere but him.

„Hey," he watched her close. „Are you alright?"

„Crappy day," Alex murmured, starting to walk.

„Yeah, um, are you hungry?" Tim cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair nervously.

„No," Alex answered, figuring there was no way either of them would enjoy this even for a minute.

„Listen, I wanted to talk to you about that night…"

„Not now, Tim," Alex cut him off, growling in a low voice.

„No, we have to talk about it. You have to know…"

„Drop it, Tim," Alex started to walk quicker. He got no clue this was the worst possible time in history to talk about that night.

„Stop for a moment and listen to me," he grabbed her arm and turned Alex to him. „I was with Lyla bec…"

„I said I don't wanna hear it!" Alex screamed at him, pulling her arm out of his grasp. „I fucking don't care, Riggins. Only one time in this fucking life could you pay attention to me and shut the fuck up?" Tears filled her eyes and her whole body was shaking as she kept screaming at Tim who stood in front of her stunned, with wide eyes.

„I don't care if you fucked Lyla or not that night, all I care about is that you weren't there! You weren't there, Tim! You should have been there! This is all your fault!"

Alex felt she was about to faint, that she couldn't breath, her legs barely held her. She left Tim stood there dumbfounded, pushing through the people. She was well aware her outburst would get on the front pages and that it would be all over the net but she could care less. She didn't give a damn what people thought about her.

* * *

Alex opened the door with shaky hands, leaning against it as she shut it closed.

„Hey, I wasn't expecting you so…" Logan stopped in midsentence, hurrying to her. „Babe, what happened?"

„Nothing," Alex answered, shutting her eyes.

„Did he hurt you? Because if he did…"

„It's not like that…" Alex muttered, trying to hold back the tears. „Would you leave me alone, please?"

„No," Logan stated. „What happened, Alex?" he cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him.

„I don't…" Alex felt the tears rolling down her face as she saw the concern in Logan's eyes.

„I can't help if you don't talk to me, kitten," he said, brushing the tears lightly away off her face.

„I can't have a baby," she started to sob unstoppably, collapsing in Logan's arms.

Instead of saying anything Logan just picked her up and sat on the couch with her in his lap, rocking back and forth, letting her let it all out, not even trying to stop the tears. He knew there wasn't any word what could possibly ease her pain and Alex was thankful for his silence, that he was there for her and didn't push for informations, that he understood her so perfectly.


	11. Chapter 8

**Hey, Ladies. I'm so sorry for the hiatus. My laptop (rest in peace) was murdered by a virus so I didn't get a chance to update. If the Power-To-Bes up above us want the same way, I'll be able to update recently again. Thank You for your patience, Dareia**

**CHAPTER 8  
****CAN WE PRETEND?**

Alex woke for the soft sound of her guitar. Her eyes were heavy and they burnt like hell because of the countless tears she shed in the last 2 days. The most she managed to be awake and not cry at the same time was when Mike called, worried to sick, saying he would fly home immediately and Alex convinsed him it wasn't necessary. In the end they made a compromise: Mike would hurry his business and went home by the weekend.

Alex rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Logan sat at the bed close to her, playing on the guitar. Probably he was just out of the shower, his blond hair was damp and he was shirtless. What was it with this guy that he couldn't keep his clothes on him? Not that Alex really mind. Logan was easy on the eye, not a terrible sight to look at.

„Sorry. Did I wake you?" He asked, realizing Alex watched him.

„Nah, it's fine," she shrugged.

Crying was exhausting, Alex noted. She felt terrible, like she didn't sleep in years what couldn't be further from the truth. All she did was crying and sleeping and trying to make Logan leave what didn't happen of course. In the end Alex told him everything: how she went back to Dillon, then left to New York again, what went down between Tim and her and about that horrible night when Ryan attacked her.

She avoided smartly the internet, newspapers and television. Just like Alex knew it would happen, the news about her outburst was all over everywhere within a few hours. Well, she had never been in a scandal before.

„You know, you are like one of those Twilight guys, running around shirtless all the time," she smirked.

„Take that back," Logan gorwled, putting down the guitar.

„No," Alex stated.

„Take that back, I just came out of the shower," he repeated, narrowing his eyes.

„Whatever, wolf boy," Alex said, closing her eyes.

„You are not going to stay in bed all day again," Logan said, standing up.

„Watch me," Alex said, showing no intention to move.

„Okay, there's option A and B. I'll let you choose," That was one of those times he couldn't deny his past in the NAVY, not even if he wanted to.

„A, you move that nice butt out of bed, have a shower, then eat, or B, and believe me, you don't want that, I'll drag you out and put you under cold water, then tie you to a chair and stuff food into you.

„Didn't know you were into bondage," Aalex snorted, hoping to make him forget about the stupid options.

„Distraction won't work," Logan stated. „Which one?"

Alex opened her eyes, studying Logan. He wasn't kidding, he was dead serious. But she still didn't want to get up, to go anywhere, not even to the bathroom. Not to mention just the thought of food made her sick.

„You know, I wonder if you know that I am your boss and not the other way around."

„Which one?" Logan growled in a low voice.

„God, Marine, no wonder you were a great little soldier," Alex groaned, getting up.

„Smart choice," he nodded, satisfied. „Yyou go have a shower and I'll make something to eat."

„Yes, Sir, will do it, Sir," Alex salutated, making faces.

„Knock it off, kitten," Logan chuckled, heading to the kitchen.

Aalex just finished her hot shower when she heard voices from outside. She put on her robe and opened the door, slightly, peeking out. She could only see Logan's back but she heard the voice she would recognize anywhere.

„I wanna hear that from her," Tim said in a low voice.

„I've already told you, she's got nothing to say to you," Logan answered, his body tensing more and more with every second.

Alex was smart enough to know she had to interrupt or all hell would break. Those two and their tempers in one room meant no good.

„It's okay, Logan," she stepped to Logan, touching his shoulder, lightly in attempt to calm him.

„No, it's not," he growled.

„I wanna talk to him," Alex sighed.

'Want to' was a strong choice of words. She'd rather said 'need to' as in need to explain to Tim what happened the day before.

„You heard the lady, she wants to talk to me," Tim said with triumph in his voice, moving past by them.

„Alright, let's talk," Logan closed the door, crossing his arm over his chest.

„Logan," Alex fought back a smile. The man was shamelessly adorable.

„Call if you need me," Logan rolled his eyes, putting on his shirt.

„If I find her crying again, there'll be consequences," he threatened Tim, glaring at him.

„I'll go and change my pants," Tim glared back.

„Okay, thestosteron overwhelm is not something I need now," Alex rolled her eyes, breaking the two men glaring competition.

„Be careful, kitten," Logan placed a kiss on her forehead before leaving.

„Is he your man?" Tim asked at the very moment the door closed behind Logan.

„Don't even start that," Aalex sighed irritated. „You've got no right to question me about my personal life. We've never been together so even IF Logan was my boyfriend, that wouldn't be any of your business."

„But he is not," Tim raised an eyebrow, impatiently.

„If that's all you came for, you can leave," Alex crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes.

„I tried to call you," Tim cleared his throat, letting Alex off the hook.

„I know," she answered, leaning against the kitchen table.

„A lot," he added.

„I know, okay?" Aalex raised her voice, annoyed.

„You didn't answer," Tim continoued.

„Yes, Tim, I didn't answer. Thanks for pointing out the obvious," she glared at him. „I just needed some time."

Tim nodded, leaning against the wall, gazing Alex, waiting for her to continoue.

„Sorry about the day before," Alex said, breaking the silence. „Awful timing."

„Story of our lives," Tim snorted with a shrug. „I was worried about you."

„I'm sorry," Alex brushed the hair out of her face. „I just…" her voice cracked and she could feel the tears burning her eyes again.

„Lexy, you don't have to talk about it," Tim shifted uncomfortable, seeing Alex cry was still something he didn't know how to deal with.

„No, I have to," Aalex shook her head. „I acted terrible and I said things I didn't mean. It's just… I don't get to know everyday that I'm barren."

The silence was so thick, it could be cut. They stared at each other, neither of them know what to say. The time seemed to stop as they stood there motionless.

„What?" Tim asked, barely audebly.

„I can't… I can't have a baby," Alex sniffled, brushing away her tears.

„Is it because of what happened?" Tim asked, pushing away from the wall.

Alex stared at the ground, not wanting to answer because she knew Tim well enough to know how he would react.

„Is it because of that, Alex?" Tim demanded, stepping to her.

„Yes, yes, it is," she sobbed. „But don't even think about what I said. I didn't mean any of it. It isn't your fault, Tim."

„The hell it isn't," Tim turned to leave but Alex grabbed his arm.

„I say it again, it was NOT your fault, Tim," she stated with a firm voice. „Don't you dare leave me now."

„Lexy…" Tim sighed, looking away.

„Cut it," Alex groaned, angrily. „Whatever you wanna say, forget it."

„I should have been there," Tim said with pain in his voice.

„How about you are here now and don't leave me alone again?" Alex muttered, squeezing Tim's hand.

He looked at her, brushing a lock of hair out of her face before lightly kissing her. Alex sighed, a long lost feeling filling her body, the feeling of home.


	12. Chapter 9

**I had to upload this chapter again because I'm so dumb that I forgot what I wanted to write in this :LOL: So there was a missing part and it was important.**

**CHAPTER 9  
****ONLY ONE**

Tim moved around in the bed, holding out his arm, trying to find Alex. He opened his eyes, realizing she wasn't next to him. He looked around in the empty room, rubbing his eyes to clear his vision.

„Lexy?" He called, his voice husky from the sleeping.

When didn't come answer he heard the sound of piano and the sweet voice of Alex singing. He got up and followed the voice, his heart beating fast as he listened to the song.

_My eyes are painted red  
The canvas of my soul,  
Slowly breaking down,again  
Today I heard the news  
The stories getting old  
When will we see the end?  
Of the days, we bleed for what we need  
To forgive, forget, move on  
Cause we've got_

He stopped behind her quietly, just watching her siloutte. She sat there, wrapped in sheets, and she looked like a painting. He wondered if he would be able to forgive for himself. He ruined her life. He couldn't deal with the memory of that night, especially now he knew Alex was damaged because of him. That was the reason he never tried to contact her because he never forgave himself. She said she forgave him, that she didn't blame him but did she mean it?

_One life to live  
One love to give  
One chance to keep from falling  
One heart to break  
One soul to take us  
Not for sake us,  
Only one  
Only one_

"Nice song," he sat next to Alex, kissing her shoulder lightly.

"I meant it," Alex smiled at him. "Only one, Timmy."

Tim kissed her softly, just enjoying her sweet lips.

"What happened that night?" Alex asked, pulling away slightly.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted this, he wanted to tell her what happened but it was damn hard to talk about it, especially after what he found out yesterday.

"After you sang… I just knew I wanted you, that it was you all along," he started. "I just… I wanted to clear things with Lyla before I went to you."

"Did you break up with her?" Alex gasped.

"Yeah… But it was too late…" Tim shrugged.

How many times he wished he would have gone to Alex and just forgot about Lyla. At the time he truly thought that was the right thing to do but regretted it everyday.

"Damn… I was such a bitch with you," Alex hugged him, tightly. "I thought that you…"

"I know. And I'm sorry I wasn't there," Tim murmured, pulling her in his lap.

"Alex, sweety, where are you? Mikey is here," they heard Mike stomping through the rooms.

"So much for peace," Alex growled, leaning her head on Tim's shoulder.

"I brought ice…" Mike stopped in the door, staring at the pair with wide eyes. "Oh, you have company."

"Hey, Mike," Alex giggled, seeing her friend blushing.

"I didn't know that you… Well, I thought that you two…" He rambled, nervously.

"Mikey, breath," Alex laughed. "Tim is here because we've got some unfinished business."

"I can tell you managed to finish it," Mike grinned at them.

"I'd better give you some privacy and put on some clothes," Tim said, realizing he was only in his boxers.

He thought about the song Alex sang. And what she said. Did she mean he was that one? He knew for a fact Alex was the one for him. He tried to live without her but that was just existance. Sleeping around, parties, like he was still in high school. He never thought about settle down because he could never see himself as a happily married man.

But he realized it was only because he didn't find the right woman, or he did but he managed to lost her. He wanted to make up to her for what happened. He wanted to be there for her whenever she needed him. He would be good enough for her. There was no way he would let her down again Tim decided.


	13. Chapter 10

**First of all, please read the previous chapter because there is something important in the newly uploaded version. Second, I hope you will like this. Love, Dareia Thanks for the song suggestion for HistoryNerd. Again, if any of you have ideas for songs, I will concider to use them.**

**CHAPTER 10  
****WE BELONG**

„Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Alex asked Tim for the hundreds of times.

It was the day when they finally got the results of Tim's injury. He was on the edge all week, even if he pretended he was fine, Alex could see through him.

„No," he smirked. „I'm a big boy, can deal with whatever comes alone."

„You are not alone, Timmy," Alex glared at him.

„Hey, kitten," Logan walked in like he owned the place, placing a kiss on Alex cheeks.

Mike followed, rolling his eyes, seeing the testhostheron war was still on. It was also a fan meeting day for Alex. She decided it was for the best if she found something to do while waiting for Tim call.

„I'm out," Tim growled. He grabbed Alex and gave her a knee weakening kiss, leaving Alex without air. „Keep your hands off her."

„Somebody feels threatened," Logan smirked.

„Okay, if you want to fight, take it outside girlies because I just made the decoration yesterday and I would hate to kill two such a good looking men as you two are because you ruin my stuff," Mike crossed his arms over his chest, looking hard at them.

Tim and Logan looked at him startled and Alex burst into laughing.

„Bring it on, Mikey, I would love to see that," Alex laughed, starting to push Tim to the door.

„Call me when you're out," Alex placed a kiss on Tim's lips before pushing him out of the door.

„Logan, seriously, must you do this all the time," Alex cocked her head to the side, smiling.

„He started it," Logan pointed at the closed door with a glare.

„Jeez, how old are you?" Mike rolled his eyes.

„You're sweet when you're pouting," she laughed, hugging Logan.

„I don't pout," Logan mumbled.

„Be smarter than him, Marine," Alex patted a kiss on his cheek before turning to Mike. „Can we go?"

„Sure and remember, no talk about Mr. Riggins," Mike said, starting out. „They've got the photos, that's more than enough."

Alex and Tim were all over everywhere. Their fall out, then renewed relationship was all over the magazines. They tried to keep it low but in the world of cells with cams it was beyond managable, so they agreed not to care about it at all.

„Like you need to remind me of that," Alex rolled her eyes. She really would like to keep this thing behind closed doors but she knew that wasn't possible.

* * *

„Thanks all of you for coming. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did," Alex talked to the microphone. „For being so amazing I will sing a song you won't hear anywhere else. Somebody close to me will get very important news today, so this song is for him."

Alex became restless by now. It was 10pm and Tim hadn't called yet. She tried to call Jason, Billy and even Sanchez but they knew as much as she did, ergo nothing. She was worried to sick. Did Tim forget to call? Was he out celebrating his recovery? Or did he get bad news and he was alone somewhere doing god knew what?

_Many times I've tried to tell you  
Many times I've cried alone_

How many times she thought about calling Tim before? But her pride always got in the way and she was scared of rejecting.

_Always I'm surprised how well you  
Cut my feelings to the bone_

It was amazing how Tim still got her, like they didn't spend a day seperated. He saw through her, knew every inch of her maybe better than she did.

_Don't want to leave you really  
I've invested too much time  
To give you up that easy  
To the doubts that complicate your mind_

She knew what happened still bugged him. Though, he wouldn't talk about it but Alex was well aware he still couldn't believe she forgave him entirely. Then there was his injury. He had to deal with a lot and it was hard to get over his defense. But she would, she would not leave him alone, no matter what happened.

_We Belong to the light  
We Belong to the thunder  
We Belong to the sound of the words  
We've both fallen under_

They had both been hurt and hit themselves hard, they were two restless mind but they were even one in that.

_Whatever we deny or embrace  
For worse or for better  
We Belong, We Belong  
We Belong together_

Finally, Alex realized there was no reason in trying to deny it, Tim was a part of him and whatever would come in their way they would fight it together.

_Close your eyes and try to sleep now  
Close your eyes and try to dream  
Clear your mind and do your best  
To try and wash the palette clean_

They would start with a clear card. Forgot about the past and start over.

_We can't begin to know it  
How much we really care  
I hear your voice inside me  
I see your face everywhere  
Still you say_

Together they would be able to fight anything. If Tim's career ended, then she would be there for him.

_We Belong to the light  
We Belong to the thunder  
We Belong to the sound of the words  
We've both fallen under  
Whatever we deny or embrace  
For worse or for better  
We Belong, We Belong  
We Belong together_

When Alex finished the song her gaze fell on Mike and Logan who stood at the backstage. Mike looked like he was about to cry and Logan… What was that? Did he hit the wall? What happened? Alex started to panick.

"Thank you, you are amazing," she said and hurried down from the stage.

"What happened?" She asked at the moment she stopped in front of the two men. "Guys? Is it Tim? Dammit, talk to me!"

Logan turned his back on her as Mike held his cell to her. She grabbed it and almost dropped when she saw the screen. She couldn't believe what she saw. That couldn't be true. Tim would never… He couldn't… Not with me, Alex thought.

"These are fake," she said, trying to convince herself as much as the others.

"The owner of the club is a friend of mine. Not fake," Logan growled. "Son of a bitch."

"Take me home before the paparazzi and the journalists find me," Alex said, starting out hurridly.

"Right, we'd better go," Logan nodded and grabbed her hand, starting to lead her to the back door. "Come on, Mike. We don't have all the time in the world."


	14. Chapter 11

**This chapter is dedicated to Anamia, get better sweety :) ps.: Review, please?**

**CHAPTER 11  
****BEFORE HE CHEATS**

„Dare and say I told you so and I'm going to punch you in the face," Alex growled.

She put her legs up on the dashboard, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring at the paparazzi through the darkened glass of the car.

Mike sat silently in the back of the car, watching the crazy mess outside. The photos of Tim sitting in a club, getting causy with more than one women spread faster than flu on a slightly warm winter day.

„Didn't want to," Logan said, before cursing loudly as he almost hit a man who jumped in front of the car, trying to take pictures of Alex.

Alex grabbed Logan's hoody and pulled it over her head, in attemp to hide herself. Fuck Tim Riggins, fuck all of them, she cursed mentally. What a stupid bitch she was, acting like a freaking teenager, falling for him again. Idiot.

„Can we turn on the radio? I can't stand this dead silence," Mike said, reaching to the radio but Alex pushed his hand away.

„My place?" Logan glanced at Alex and she nodded in approval. Logan's place was Alex secret hideout, her place obviously wasn't an option.

She could tell Logan was as pissed as her. His grip on the wheel was so tight, Alex wondered how it didn't break. They made it out of the crowd without harming anyone and they were only a few minutes from Logan's. She could barely control her anger. That son of a bitch…

_Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,  
and she's probably getting frisky..._

She could see the damn photos of Tim in a club, stupid sluts all over him, the usual smirk on his face as he let them straddle him, kiss him.

_Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink  
'cause she can't shoot whiskey..._

She was better than this. She might have been a bitch back then but she even did that in a classy way not like nowadays delusional chicks who thought just because they fucked some famous dude they would get to live in the castles.

_Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,  
showing her how to shoot a combo..._

How she knew the infamous Riggins way how to get into gals' pants. He was always good in this, getting whatever he wanted effortlessly.

_And he don't know..._

_That I dug my key into the side of his  
pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,  
carved my name into his leather seats...  
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,  
slashed a hole in all 4 tires..._

Alex wanted to do it, just crash or punch something. She imagined as she smashed his beloved Hummer. He was so proud of the damn car. She wanted to put her anger out on it, on something what was important for him.

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats._

Right now, she's probably up singing some  
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..

He wanted some trashy low life dumb bitch… Well, be it. Screw him and his whores.

_Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"  
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,_

She shuddered as she remembered those miracle hands of Tim's, soft and hard, giving and demanding, his touches burning her mind and body… Damn him.

_Right now, he's probably dabbing on  
3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo..._

She was worthier than that. She wasn't going to let him push her down again.

_And he don't know..._

_That I dug my key into the side of his_  
_pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,_  
_carved my name into his leather seats,_  
_I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,_  
_slashed a hole in all 4 tires..._

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats._

_I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,_  
_'cause the next time that he cheats..._

_Oh, you know it won't be on me!_

One of her favourite quote popped into her mind: 'Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.'

„You are not really going to do that, are you?" Mike looked at her with a worried expression on his face.

„No," Alex couldn't help but laugh, seeing his face. What a scandal that would be, probably that would give enough job for Mike for a few months to explain she was a little mad at Mr. Riggins and she put it out on his car.

„If you change your mind, I'll cover you," Logan winked at her, feeling the atmosphere getting lighter.

„Why am I not surprised," Mike rolled his eyes.

„Well, I'm her bodyguard, couldn't let her get hurt," Logan shrugged, smiling at Alex, finding her hand and held it tightly.

She didn't miss the double meaning of his words. Logan would never cause her pain… Well, Logan or not Logan, Tim Riggins would never hurt her ever again, she vowed.


	15. Chapter 12

**Hey Ladies. I hope there's still somebody who reads this story. I'm so sorry I didn't update for decades again but my computer died again, not to mention my life is a mess nowadays so I can't even promise anything. Enjoy :) Reviews are welcomed :D Thank You.**

**Song: No Good by Kate Voegele-Thanks for the song suggestion for HistoryNerd**

**CHAPTER 12  
****NO GOOD**

„Don't let me beat you just because you like me on the top, Marine" Alex smiled cockily at Logan, throwing a punch in his direction.

2 weeks had passed since the infamous Riggins-Sawyer incident and the press was still breathing down on her neck. And if that wouldn't be enough the Ryan thing was also out.

Not to mention Mike insisted to get her to a doctor – what was absoulutely unnecessary - because she was sick. Probably, it was just a nasty flu what didn't let her keep down her meal but Mike was Mike and he was already on the edge because of the Riggins situation.

„Don't challenge me," Logan growled, watching her every step.

„Oh, I'm so scared," Alex laughed, kicking in his direction.

He grabbed her leg, pulling it, causing Alex landing with a loud thud on her back, with Logan straddling him, and getting a hold on her wrists quickly, giving her no chance to escape.

„I'd rather had you under me, kitten," Logan laughed, seeing her pouting.

„Ha, such a male," Alex rolled her eyes.

It was an old routine they trained together. Logan was obviously amazing in hand to hand fights and he wanted Alex to know how to protect herself, just in case.

„Ahm, I don't wanna disturb but we gotta talk," Mike cleared his throat.

„What now?" They growled at the same time.

Logan pulled Alex up with one easy move, both of them turning to Mike.

„I know it's my fault and I'm sorry," Mike struggled, moving from one foot to the other, glancing away.

„Blurt it out, Mike, it can't be that bad," Alex sighed.

„You know, when you were at the doc... Somebody saw you and photos were made, news spread fast and they're all about you dying."

„I am what?" Alex eyes went wide. She wasn't dying for God sake. „Fucking amazing."

„I'm sorry, princess. I think it's time to come clean," Mike sighed, rubbing his head. „What do you think about going to Miranda?"

Miranda was the hostess of one of the most popular shows. Alex usually went to her show first when something was up. Mike was right. She gotta stop that craziness before things got out of hand even more.

„Alright, call her and get a date for me," Alex groaned.

She so wasn't in the mood to talk about what happened with Tim, or with Ryan, or her dying. People were nuts, no question about it. As she started to the door with angry steps suddenly she felt dizzy, her knees buckling under her.

„Alex," Logan jumped next to her, catching her by her waist before she could fall.

What the hell? She wasn't the fainting type. She didn't faint ever, not even when Ryan almost killed her, so why now?

„You can put me down," she protested weakly as Logan lift her up and started to her room.

„Fat chance," he groaned. Mike opened the door in front of them and Logan put her in bed. „Get water for her and wet towels."

„I'm fine, no need..."

„I'm in charge now, so shut up," Logan narrowed his eyes. „You will stay in bed today. You're ill for fuck sake. Why the hell can't you stay put?"

„Because I'm not a doll what you can tug in bed and leave there," Alex glared at him, tention rising between them.

„Water, towel," Mike hold out his hands.

Logan rolled his eyes, reaching for the towel, putting it on Alex's head. Sweet Lord, did that feel good. Alex closed her eyes, letting her body relax, gulping some water.

„Better?" Logan asked, brushing her hair out of her face.

„Yeah," she sighed. Okay, so Logan was bossy every now and then but he was almost always right, so even if it annoyed her, Alex was grateful for him. „Mike, will you call Miranda?"

„Dammit, woman, why can't you just relax?" Logan stood up, pacing next to the bed.

„That's me, take it or leave it," Alex shrugged but regretted her words at the moment they slipped out of her lips.

„You know I would take you anyway," she could see the hurt on Logan's face before he turned to leave. Alex cursed herself mentally for her big mouth. How could she be so senseless?

„I'm such a bitch," she muttered under her breath.

„I'm not going to say you aren't," Mike sat next to her on the bed. „You really should learn to think before you talk."

„I know," she sighed, closing her eyes.

„I'm worried about you. I don't like that doctors don't know what's wrong with you."

„Mikey, it's no biggie. Probably I'm just tired," Alex squeezed his hand.

„Are you sure you want to do that interview?"

„Yeah, you were right, gotta come clean before they start to dig me a hole 6 feet under ground."

* * *

„Today's guest is America's sweetheart, one of the most successful singers in history. Let's great Alex Sawyer."

Alex forced a smile to her face as she stepped out from behind the backstage. People clapping loudly, greating her with happy smiles. A thought started to form in her head.

„Good evening," Miranda hugged her before they both sat down.

„Lots of things happened with you in the last few months. Where should we start?"

„Well, first I believe I should calm everybody, I'm not dying any more than anybody else," she laughed. „Unless a truck doesn't hit me a nice long life is still awaits for me. No worries."

„That's great to hear," Miranda smiled at her reassuringly. Alex loved the woman. She was professional, always asked what she had to but never gone too far. „Lots of people feared for you. Why the doctors then?"

„I've got a nasty flu and with me being a little exhausted it isn't the best pairing."

„You were very secretive when we talked on the phone. You say you're exhausted and no wonder, you should be. If I'm right you haven't stopped in the last years not even for a minute. What are your plans?"

„I'll take a breath for sure," Alex nodded. „These last months take a lot out of me."

And probably she quit her job for good, she added mentally. She wanted to go home, to the only place she knew she could find peace, Dillon.

„That's understandable," Miranda nodded slightly and Alex could tell now came the hard part. „You've never really talked about your past... How did it effect you that your secret is out?"

„It isn't easy," Alex admitted, snuffling in her seat. „I thought I left that terrible night in the past and when it was out... unwanted memories came back."

„Can we talk about what happened that night? Lots of details get out but they all say it differently. What's the truth?"

Papers wrote all bullshit about that night, that she got raped, that she almost got paralyzed, that she attacked Ryan and not the other way around, it was madness from the start.

„The truth is that I've never been a saint. I've never tried to hide the fact that I've got a messy childhood behind me. Ryan was my ex-boyfriend," she swallowed hard. Damn, she hated to talk about it. „We met in New York when I was around 16. I liked living dangerously. I knew from the first moment he meant trouble but I didn't care..."

„Then you split," Miranda nodded slightly, encouraging her to continue.

„Well, I didn't only split, I ran. I left New York and went back to my hometown, Dillon."

„But he foud you."

„Yes, he did..." Alex turned her head away slightly, taking a deep breath. „Then one night he showed up and attacked me. I almost got killed that night... It's ironic but in the end I gotta be grateful for him because that night changed my life for good. I started to appreciate my friends and my possibilities."

„You mentioned Dillon. Is it the same little town where Tim Riggins comes from?"

Smart woman, Alex praised Miranda silently. She could tell she wasn't about to talk more about Ryan. Alex was thankful she didn't push for more, it was more than enough what she already shared.

„Yep, it is," she nodded, brushing her hair out of her face.

„So you two knew each other..."

„Ever since I know my mind," Alex smirked, remembering how Tim found her at the playyard.

„I see. So you have a past together."

„Pretty much. I'm not surprised we made a mess again. It's the Riggins-Sawyer-trouble triangle," Alex laughed bitterly.

Really, what the heck she expected starting with Tim again? They were doomed from the very first moment they met as children.

„Riggins-Sawyer-trouble triangle?" Miranda looked at her questioningly.

„Yeah, you know, ever since we were kids we always caused trouble for others and pain for each other. I believe it was time to realize we shouldn't try again ever."

As the words left her lips Alex felt her stomach tightening. It shouldn't have hurt to say those words. Tim was a jerk, didn't change, not even a bit. Why the hell was she so drawn to him? She should just move on with somebody like Logan, someone who threated her right, respected her and didn't run over her like a train, living her half dead on the road.

„What yiu want to say is that you don't love him..."

Alex swallowed hard. She shouldn't, she thought. He pissed her off, hurt her, let her down more than once, humilated her in front of the whole world and didn't even care to say at least a sorry. At that moment she could kill him if he was there.

„What I say is that Tim will be always a part of me because we've been together on way too much but as a couple... Let's just say as much as it seems idle, it would never work out."

Again, her stomach clenched. 'Never', that sounded so... so final. But as much as it hurt to admit, Alex knew they could never make it work between them.

„So you are not mad at him?" Miranda raied an eyebrow.

„Of course I was mad at him. I wanted to smash his car with a baseball bat," Alex laughed. „I was furious. How could I not be? But what I want to concentrate on is taking a breath now."

„No new album this year?"

„Not likely," Alex shook her head. „I think I'll just get out of everybody's sight for a while."

„That's a shame but I think everybody can understand your reasons. Any plan where would you like to disappear?"

„If I say it, it wouldn't be a secret anymore," Alex laughed again.

„Right," Miranda laughed with her. „Well, thank you for coming to us and sharing the truth. If I'm correct this will be the last song you perform for a while."

„Yes, I think, that's right," Alex nodded, starting toward the small stage.

„Thank you for being with us, I hope you all enjoyed the show. See you all on next Monday."

As Miranda finished her sentence the band started to play and Alex felt herself relaxing. This was her last public performance and she got a feeling it was for good. Funny how it saddened and gave relief for her at the same time.

_I never feared the unexpected  
Till I found myself in this peculiar place_

She hated Tim always managed to keep her so off balance. All the time they met, she lost her mind, acting like a lovey-dovey teenage girl.

_Unaware of where I was headed  
Turns out it was your footsteps I had chased_

And yes, even if she never admitted to herself, she always waited for him, deep inside her heart.

_Well I should know so much better than this  
But you've occupied the center of my universe_

She should have known how it would end again. But no, she had to jump the shark, letting Tim ate himself into her heart again.

_I'm moving in reverse  
Under your mighty curse  
I hate myself for loving you_

It pissed her off so much that she still had feelings for him. What the hell was wrong with her? She felt like she was bond to him and it wasn't a good feeling, it was like losing her free will because everytime he showed up, she fell for him even though she knew exactly how dumb that was of her.

_I turn my head away  
But my heart will remain  
Till the day I learn you're no good for me_

Just accept the fact he wasn't good for her, Alex thought. Why was it so damn hard?

_It's illogical and it's outrageous  
The way I let you keep me hanging on  
Your character is that contagious  
I know I should have thought before I had done  
I've gone and let my impulse be my guide  
And on that note, I'll be defenseless for some time_

She let him use her all the time, the son of a... Stripping her bare to her feelings until nothing left for her, only to crash her time and time again.

_Hey you there, keep your distance  
Don't you come around here  
Don't test my patience baby  
Cause I ain't gonna let you off easy_

Tim Riggins wouldn't hurt her again because she would hurt him before he could even think of it. She wouldn't let him have her defenseless anymore. She changed, and he screwed with the wrong girl now,.Even if it hurt to even think about it, there were no second or third chances from now on.


	16. Chapter 13

**Hey Ladies. There'll be a big surprise in this one, review please, I really would like to know what you all think. Next chapter will be Tim's POV. Have fun :)**

**CHAPTER 13  
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED**

„Come on, MikE, don't wait until I go for you," Logan threatened the other man from the door, making Alex laugh.

She sat on the hood of the car, ready to go. Ready to go for more than 1 hour now. It turned out when it came to moviing Mike was even worse than with travelling- Not that it was a huge surprise, given he could eff around for hours before going to shop. Fortunately, they decided to go with car, otherwise they would miss the plane.

„Mike," Logan shouted, frustrated.

Alex could tell he was about to lose his patience. If there was something Logan hated, that was waiting, especially waiting without any good reason.

„I'm here," Mike showed up in the door, rolling his eyes. He was one lucky man Logan liked him, otherwise he'd be already in the hospital. „What's with the rush? I didn't know cops were after us."

„Just get in the damn car already," Logan growled, shutting the door loudly.

„He isn't too happy with this moving thing," Mike noted, glancing at Alex.

He was right, Logan wasn't happy at all. But what could she do? She told him to stay in the city, that he didn't have to move to Dillon just because she did. The answer, of course, was that then who would be there to protect her.

Alex tried to reason that nobody would hurt her in Dillon and nobody knew anyway she was about to go home but then again Logan noted she was attacked in Dillon once before. Not to mention even Logan started to get worried about her health. She lost lots of weight in the last 2 weeks because she often couldn't hold down her meal. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with her and that bothered both Mike and Logan.

Travelling was quite fun with the two men. Alex didn't even remember what was the last time she spent time with something what wasn't about her career. It was a nice change just to travel in a car with her best friends after years of flying here and there and being always on the edge. Not that she didn't like her life, not at all. She loved it but it was time for a change.

„I can't believe you ate all of that stuff," Mike made a face.

They stopped for dinner and Alex surprised both Logan and Mike with how much she ate. She got two huge burgers, a plate of fries, a big strawberry shake, some ice cream and if that wouldn't be enough, she bought a chips so she could continue eating in hte car.

„Ahm, yeah, I think it wasn't a good idea," Alex murmured, taking huge breathes.

„You're green, kitten. Want me to stop?" Logan glanced at her with a worried expression on his face.

„I think you'd better," Alex swallowed hard, trying to hold on until Logan stopped next to the road.

At the very moment the car stopped she jumped out of the car and empied her stomach. Alex panted, trying to catch her breath, tears running down on her face.. Hell, she was tired of being sick for a month now.

„Hey, hey, " Logan caught Alex when her knees buckled under her. „Just breath. I'm here," he soothed, pulling her hair out of her face.

„Maybe I really shouldn't have eaten that chips," Alex croaked, leaning on him.

„You'll go to a doctor at the moment we arrive," Mike stated, giving her a bottle of water as Logan put her back in the car

„He's right. This isn't normal, kitten," Logan nodded with a determined face.

„Not like I haven't seen four doctors in a month," Alex rolled her eyes. She hated to be sick and not knowing what caused it. It made her feel vulnerable-

„Then you'll see a fifth," Logan looked at her with a no disagreement was accepted face.

„Whatever," Alex sighed. „Just get there already and I promise I'll go to a doctor, again."

„We've got the results," the doctor walked into the room.

Alex swallowed hard. God, what if she really was dying? No one could tell what was the problem with her. How could she tell her friends she had only months left? Now she even panicked, that was just so unlike her.

„How much?" She swallowed hard, trying to hold back her teeth.

„Not quite sure but about 7-8 months," the woman answered.

That wasn't even a year. She didn't want to die. She was still so young. She wanted to start a new life-again, just be normal, avarage woman. Alex didn't know what to say, she could feel the tears rolling down her face. Logan and Mike were waiting for her outside. She wouldn't tell them, Alex decided. She didn't want them to treat her like a breakable doll, also, the truth would kill them. She would lie, there was no other option.

„Didn't you expected it, Miss Sawyer?" The doctor raised an eyebrow, looking at her with an expression Alex couldn't understand.

How could she ask such a dumb thing? Who the hell expect death at the age of 24? She was healthy in all of her life, didn't even get cold and now reaper just came for her out of the blue.

„I... Of course no," she looked away.

„So you don't want it?" The doctor looked surprised, sad and Alex wasn't sure whatelse. She wondered if the woman was insane. If she was there might be a chance she wasn't dying. Maybe the crazy doc screwed up the tests.

„What kind of question is that?" Alex glared at her, raising her voice. „Who wants to die?"

„Die?" the doctor stared at her, surprised. „Miss Sawyer, we aren't in the dark Middle ages anymore. There's only a very small chance something goes wrong when expecting a child."

Alex wanted to say something very nasty about how senseless was the doc when the words sank in her mind. Did the doc just said what she thought she said?

„Excuse me, what did you just say?"

„I said, that you've got no reason to worry, Miss Sawyer. You are only pregnant, not dying," she sighed, probably trying to understand why Alex's freaked out.

„I... That's impossible. I can't have a baby," Alex said, staring at the doc in disbelief.

„Stranger things has happened, Miss Sawyer," the doc smiled at her wamly. „We will run a few other tests but I'm postive, they are for to check if everything is okay with the baby."

„I'm pregnant..." Alex stared in front of her, a grin spreading across her face. „Thank you, doc," she jumped up, hugging the other woman before turning to leave.

„Come back tomorrow, Miss Sawyer," the doc yelled after her. Alex waved back, she was practically running, so she could tell her friends she wasn't dying but the opposite. Alex felt more alive then ever.

Mike sat in the waiting room with careworn face, while Logan paced up and down when she bounced in.

„I'm having a baby," Alex screamed, jumping on Logan, almost pushing him to the ground.

„What?" they asked at the same time, looking at her confused.

„I'll be a mom," Alex grinned. No wonder, tt was the happiest day of her life.


	17. Chapter 14

**Hey Ladies. Short chapter, I know. sorry haven't got time for more. Hope you'll like it though. PS.: The title is a reference to 45 by Shinedown-must hear song ;) Oh, and reviews are highly appreciated of course.**

**CHAPTER 14  
****45**

Tim stood in front of a shelf packed with booze, pondering what he should go with, whiskey, or beer, He felt like shit. He couldn't decide whether he was still drunk, or already hungover, probably somewhere between the two of those. Not that it actually mattered.

„Tim," a familiar feminine voice greeted him. „Is that you?"

He pushed his sunglasses on the top of his head, tuning in hte direction of the woman.

„Garrity," he looked over at her. She was still easy on they eye, years didn't harm her at all, Tim noted.

„It's Jackson actually," Lyla corrected him, making a face.

„Married?" He asked, not that he cared. He didn't mind if she was married and had a whole bunch of kids.

„Yeah," Lyla answered, glancing away.

Trouble in Paradise, Tim almost snorted.

„I heard you can't play anymore. I'm so sorry, Tim," Lyla smiled at him, sweetly, lightly brushing his arm.

„Not big deal," he mumbled.

People feeling sorry for him didn't help his situation at all. He didn't need them. His life was over and that was it.

„Also about Alex," Lyla sighed,

„What do you mean?" Tim raised an eyebrow.

Did something happen to Alex? He was way too deep to watch news, or care about anything other than feeling sorry for himself. What did he miss?

„I mean, what you did was awful but still..." Lyla shook her head slightly.

He cheated Alex publicly with a bunch of women. What could be possibly worse than that?

„Still what? I don't know what you're talking about," Tim said. He was about to lose his patience. What the hell happened to Alex?

„You don't know," Lyla stared at him with wide eyes, taking a step back.

„Know what?" Tim asked impatiently.

„I don't think I should be the one telling you this," Lyla looked away.

„Come'n, Garrity, spit it out," Tim growled, irritated, a bad feeling growing in him minute by minute.

„I went to see my doc yesterday..." she hesitated.

Damn, was Alex really sick? He heard the news but he didn't believe them. For him she looked more than healthy all the time.

„And?"

„And Alex was there, too," Lyla hesitated again before continouing with a huge sigh. „I just came out when she practically jumed on a blond guy... screaming she was pregnant."

Tim's hands tightened to fists. She didn't need too much time to get over him, he noted. Only one, what a fucking joke. And didn't she say she couldn't have a baby? In the back of his mind Tim knew he should be at least a bit happy for her but all he could think of was that she expected another man's child.

And that son of a bitch. Tim knew from the first time they met Logan wanted Alex. His place didn't even get time to get cold in Alex's bed and that jerk moved on her. Whatever, one more reason to go home and drink himself to unconciousness.

What did he care? When he got the results he knew not only his career ended, but also his life. Really, who was Tim Riggins without football? Nobody, nothing, just the fucked up son of a fucked up cowboy.


	18. Chapter 15

**Hey Ladies. Another short chapter, sorry about it but working 12hours a day doesn't help my writing at all *groans* Whatever, the point is that I update, right? Enjoy :)**

**CHAPTER 15  
****GRENADE**

„Riggins," Alex banged on the door for the hundreds of times. She might just kick it.

She talked to Billy, asking where she could find his low life little brother because they needed to talk ASAP. Turned out Tim bought a house a bit outside of town and spent his time with throwing a never ending pity party for himself.

Of course, Alex would even feel sorry for him if he wasn't a real jerk and acted like a real Riggins would do, she was well aware losing football for Tim was like losing everything for Tim. However, he was a grown up man for God' sake, deal with it and move on. They so didn't have time for feeling sorry for him when a baby was on its way.

„Maybe he isn't home. The house is dark," Mike noted, only to earn a nasty glare.

Alex looked at the house, it looked scary, dark and grey and rudown but she could tell with a renovation it would be even pretty.

„Alright, I'm tired of this," Alex groaned. „Change of tactics."

„Where are you going?" Mike hurried after her.

„I'm going to get in that damn house," she answered, stopping in front of a big window, reaching for her credit card in her pocket.

„Are you going to break in and just climb into the house?" Mike watched her terrified. „You are pregnant!"

„Exactly, cherry pie. Pregnant, not criple," Alex rolled her eyes, opening the window with one easy move.

„Where the heck did you learn that?"

„Do you really wanna know?" Alex smirked, pulling herself up.

„Graceful," Mike groaned when she landed with a loud thump.

„Shut up," she waved at him. „Come on, I'll open the door."

Alex walked through the house. It was dark and sweet Lord, that smell... She wondered if she was going to throw up. Empty, or half empty bottles everywhere, left over pizza, Chinese. The sigh just like the smell was horrible. She started to think it wasn't such a bright idea to share the news about their baby with Tim.

Jason and Billy both warned her he was deep but she shrugged it off. She saw Tim like that for millions of times, nothing new there. At least, that was what she thought until now. The sight was unexpected even for her.

„Come on," she opened the door and motioned to Mike to follow her.

„I am so not going in there," Mike took a step back, making a disgusted face. „You should have brought Logan."

„Cause that would just go perfectly," Alex growled. „Wait in the car, you cry baby."

„What are you going to do?" Mike gazed her with a worried expression on his face.

„No worries," Alex winked at her friend before disappearing in the house.

She walked to the back yard, looking for a bucket. „Perfect," she grinned when found what she looked for. Alex sighed, filling it with water, thinking Tim must be truly knocked out if he didn't wake up when she stomped through the house. Well, he wouldn't be for long.

As she walked to the living room where Tim laid on the floor passed out, she couldn't stop herself and grabbed some boxes and bottles. Darn, she was just going to pour it out all. Not that Tim couldn't buy more but she was hoping, he wouldn't be in the mood after she woke him up.

After about half an hour the house was more or less clean and absoulutely boozeless. „Nice job," Alex praised herself with a satisfied smile on her face. Time for step two. She walked back to the living room, finding Tim in the exact same position as she left him.

„Hey, asshole," she kicked him nor too strong, nor too lightly. „Riggins!"

He didn't react at all. „God dammit, how much did this idiot drink?" Alex groaned mentally.

„Always choosing the harder way," she sighed, reaching for the bucket full of water. If this didn't work, she would call the ambulance, Alex decided. She lifted the bucket and poured all the water at Tim. He jumped up, coughing heavily, looking like he didn't even know where he was. Actually, he probably did not know.

„What the... Lexy?" He stared at Alex like she was some kind of alien.

„Rise and shine, sweetheart," Alex smirked. „Good to see you're alive."

„What are you doing here? And where is my beer?" Tim looked around in the room with a horrified face.

„I poured'em out," Alex shrugged.

„Why the hell did you do that?"

„We gotta talk, so get your shit together and meet me at 7, at the cliff," with that Alex walked away, leaving a slightly confused man behind her.


	19. Chapter 16

**Hey, Ladies. Sorry it took so long, I'll be try to be better in the future. I got a little caught up in my own drama *groans* Anyway, I'll try to respond to every review, so if there's anybody who still reads this, please, give me feedback. Thank You and enjoy :)**

**PS.: Read my blog, almost better than my stories ;) cathartically-sarcastic dot blogspot dot com**

**Song: Don't Stay by Linkin Park**

**CHAPTER 16  
****DON'T STAY**

Alex sat on the hood of her car. It was past 7 and Tim was nowhere. Maybe it would have been better if she has dropped the bomb when she got a chance earlier. But she wanted Tim with a clear mind. Not that he couldn't buy booze, get intoxicated and pass out on the floor again.

Alright, she waits another 10 minutes and go to find him if he doesn't show up until then, she thought to herself. She hoped that the baby might help Tim. Of course, she was beyond pissed over what he did but like it or not he meant a lot to her and she hated to see him suffering.

She was just about to leave when she saw a car's lights. Alex turned around and saw it was Tim. At least she didn't have to hunt him down, that was something. She waited for him to get out of the car. It seemed like forever and she was already on the edge of her patience.

„You are drunk," Alex made a face when she felt the alcohol radiating from Tim as he stopped in front of her.

„No, not yet," Tim shrugged lazily.

„Okay, let's cut the chase and get to the point," Alex rolled her eyes, her palms itching badly by the want to slap him. „I'm pregnant."

„And?" Tim sighed with a quite bored expression on his face.

Alex stared at him in disbelief. She didn't expect fireworks and huge reunion, or anything like those but a hug would have been nice, even if it has been an awkward one.

„And? That's all you gotta say?" Alex glared at him, her hands in fists.

He really was playing with fire this time, she was lack of patience lately, her hormons upside down, not even mentioning the almost 24/7 roller coaster in her stomach. Whoever called it morning sickness was a huge liar.

„Yeah," he shrugged.

„I tell you I'm having a baby and you've got nothing to say?" Alex raised her voice.

„Sorry if I'm not happy about it, Lexy," Tim groaned, glaring at her.

What the hell? Not happy about it? It was a miracle she got pregnant. Finally, something good came out of the mess they were. Even if they would never manage to make it work between them, they created a new life, they were responsible for this baby.

„What the hell, Tim?" she yelled at him.

„Why the fuck would I be happy about that shithead marine knocked you up, huh?" Tim asked angrily, throwing his arms in the air.

That was the last drop, Alex's hand landed with such a force on his face, Tim stumbled a step back.

„You are an asshole," she screamed at him, tears forming in her eyes.

How could he think he wasn't the father of the baby? Did he lose the remains of his sanity, drinking his brain away?

„And you are a bitch, no news there," Tim said, wiping some blood off his lips.

„Fuck you, Riggins. Just fuck you," Alex pushed him out of her way and got in her car.

Her heart pounded in her ears. She felt she was going to be sick again. Damn it, she had to get home somehow.

_Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe_

Just breath, in and out, couldn't be that hard to do it. She did in every second without thinking, just keep it up.

_Sometimes I need you to stay away from me_

She had to get away from there. She had to get away from Tim before she could kill him. Because she would, she was sure about that.

_Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know_

How couldn't she see it was pointless from the start? Tim Riggins would never change.

_Somehow I need you to go_

_Don't stay_  
_Forget our memories_  
_Forget our possibilities_  
_What you were changing me into_  
_Just give me myself back and_  
_Don't stay_  
_Forget our memories_  
_Forget our possibilities_  
_Take all your faithlessness with you_  
_Just give me myself back and_  
_Don't stay_

She wanted to rip out everything what was Tim in her head. She just wanted him to disappear for good, forget they had ever met. All the things he put her through and like a brainless stupid bitch she went back to him. Second chances after second chances.

_Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well_  
_Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself_

She gripped the wheel so tightly it was a mirracle it didn't break in her hands. Alex didn't know who she was angrier at, herself for falling for Tim again, or at him for being the jerk he had always been.

_Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know_  
_Somehow I need to be alone_

She could give a call to Logan, or Mike to get her. She knew that would be the smartest. However, she couldn't face them, not yet, not with all the rage in her veins.

_I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored_

She didn't need Tim Riggins. Ever since the day they met way back on that dusty playground Tim Riggins was in the back of her mind in every second of her life. And he hurt her, not once, not twice. First she was just little Lexy, a buddy to hang around, then a substitute for Garrity and now this...

_I don't need one more day of you wasting me away_

She worth more than that. Finally, she could see everything crystal clear. She desrved better, someone who would love her and not use her when they didn't get anything better to spend their time with.

_I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored_  
_I don't need one more day of you wasting me away_

_With no apologies_


	20. Chapter 17

**Well, hello Ladies, I am back. I know, I know, I bet you didn't think I would be back ever to finish this but I am. I won't ask for feedback, after all this time, I don't think I could ask for anything.**

**I have to say a huge "Thank you!" for D. who pushed me to continue, and also helped me with writing this.**

**Thank you for those who read it, I hope you enjoy it!**

**CHAPTER 17  
9 CRIMES**

Alex entered the house, shutting the door with full force behind herself, still furious about what happened with Tim. She leaned against the door, suddenly feeling tired, rage sucking her energy away.

„I guess I know how it went…" Mike appeared from the living room, Logan hot on his heals.

„Perfectly, of course," Alex smiled weakly before out of the blue everything went black…

„_Hey babe," Jack grabbed Alex roughly, kissing her deeply._

_Alex moaned against his lips, thinking he should get a chewing gum at least._

„_Party tonight at Erica's," he announced._

„_That's fine, I'm off work tonight," Alex answered._

_She was stripping in a local club, not that she let that rich asshole Jack know that, but, who the hell cared?, she had to survive somehow and he certainly wasn't helping._

_The night arrived quickly, and they were on their way to the party. Alex wore an extremely mini skirt, with a simple white tanktop, saying „whore". She liked being scandalous, especially if there was an audition for her._

_She loved being the center of the attention, and did she love even more when she could piss off all those pretty college girls with playing with their boyfriends like a cat with a mouse._

_She jumped into the crowd right away, dancing with everyone, having all eyes on her. She knew what she was doing, she was a stripper after all._

_Later__she joined the drinking competition winning by 16 shots in a row. These kids had no idea who they were up against, she could drink most guys twice their age under the table and still be sober enough to put on a hell of a show._

„_Well look at this guys, Riggins decided to show his face finally," Jack snorted, heading towards the door. _

_Alex turned, following Jack with her eyes, and saw the one and only Tim Riggins standing there. She drank up another shot before grabbing a bottle of beer, heading towards where the two men stood._

_She hugged Jack from behind, placing a kiss on his neck, her nails slowly moving over his spine._

„_Alex?" Tim asked, looking at her with wide eyes._

„_Well, looky there, you still recognize me, aren't you the sweetest?" Alex cocked her head to the side, feeling slightly light headed by all the booze in her system._

„_You two know each other?" Jack asked, throwing an arm over her shoulder, pulling her to his body._

„_Sure we do, we come from the same hell hole," Alex laughed, heading back to the dancefloor, making a move on every man who happened to be there._

_She watched Tim getting busy with other girls, making her blood boil. If he didn't care about her, she sure as hell didn't care about him either, she thought._

„_I have a suprise for you, doll, come on," Jack said, stepping behind her, starting to pull her out of the crowd._

_She asked him thousands of times not to call her that. It reminded her way too much of that night with Ryan. But she wasn't about to start a fight about something stupid like that. She hadn't slept in 49 hours, she was drunk, and she didn't care really._

„_What kind of surprise?" She asked as she was pulled towards a room by Jack._

„_It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he answered, stopping in front of the door, holding Alex up as she stumbled._

_As soon as they stepped into the room Jack started to kiss her. He pushed her on the bed, moving over her, unbuttoning her pants._

„_That's it dude, bring it on," Alex heard a guy from the corner, her body went rigid right away._

„_What the fuck?" She asked, trying to push Jack off herself._

„_It's cool, doll, just relax, this is your lucky night," Jack towered over her, pulling her hands above her head roughly._

_Alex screamed out as her shoulder bailed out, her body paralyzed by the pain. Her mind cleared immediately, terrible images of Ryan attacking her flashing through her mind. She did the only thing she could think of, kicked Jack as hard as possible._

„_Stupid slut," he groaned, rolling on his side. The other guy, whoever he was, just stood there, laughing._

_Alex stumbled out of the room, her body trembling with fear, and pain, her steps quickening until she was running. She only stopped when she was a block away._

_Tears finally found there way out, falling down her cheeks. She reached into her pocket, grabbing the pills she got from one of the girls at work. She used them a lot for her shoulder. It still hurt often, and those helped._

_For a moment she just stared at the box in her hand then poured the contents of it into her palm, and swallowed all of it. She just wanted the pain to go away._

„_Alex!" She heard somewhere from the distance. Strangely, it sounded like Tim, Alex thought. She felt dizzy, had to sit down on the sidewalk, burying her head into her hands._

„_Alex!" Tim shook her roughly. She blinked, struggling to keep her eyes open, a bitter smile playing over her lips._

„_Too late, Timmy as always," she said, giving up the fight against the terrible tiredness, closing her eyes._

Alex woke with a start, glancing around herself. She was in hospital, the room was glaringly white to her eyes and there were soft beeps in the background of her hearing… And Logan was holding one of her hands, Mike the other, both of them asleep. It was just a dream, only a dream, she sighed relieved.

The baby… Alex thought as she slowly got back to the real world.

„The baby," she exclaimed, pulling on both Mike's and Logan hand.

„You're up," they both grinned at her.

„Is the baby alright?" She asked again, nervous that something happened.

„The baby is fine, and you are fine as well, kitten," Logan smiled at her warmly, brushing her hair out of Alex's face.

„You just have to take it easy from now on, no stress whatsoever," Mike said, squeezing her hand lightly.

Alex nodded, letting out a sigh of relief, the baby was fine, she was fine, everything was fine, she thought as she moved her eyes between Logan and Mike, they will be fine.


	21. Chapter 18

**Hello Ladies! Another new chapter. I have to admit I'm having a hard time with this but I hope you enjoy reading the story.  
Again, huge thank you for D. who keeps kicking me to finish this, and helps me incredibly lot with writing the story.**

**Song: Under The Water by The Pretty Reckless**

**CHAPTER 18  
UNDER THE WATER**

„Where is my phone?" Alex glanced around in the small hospital room, ready to leave finally.

The doctors said all was fine but she had to rest more, and avoid any further stress. It wasn't the easiest task for her but anything for the baby.

„I don't know I haven't seen it… Maybe it's home," Mike mumbled, running his hand over his hair, biting his lip.

Why on Earth was he lying about her phone? Alex thought, raising an eyebrow as she watched his anxious movements. Logan stared hard at mike with a hint of malice in his eyes but stayed silent.

„Okay, you two, what's going on?" Alex asked, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowing slightly.

„Nothing," Mike said quickly, blushing deeply, looking anywhere he could except at Alex.

„Mike Riley, I've known you for god knows how long, what are you keeping from me?" Alex asked again, also sending a harsh look towards Mike.

„Oh, man, you couldn't keep a secret even if your life was at stake," Logan growled annoyed, reaching into his pocket, handing Alex's phone to her.

Alex quickly went for the news, raising an eyebrow as she ran through the headlines. Her pregnancy was out, let alone most of the sites said that Logan was the father of the child, and that Tim acted the way he did because of her cheating ways but the worst part was that they actually knew she was in Dillon.

„I'm sorry, I told you it wouldn't work!" Mike crossed his arms over his chest, mumbling. „And they're here anyway."

„The press is here?" Alex glanced up from her phone, raising an eyebrow.

„Yeah…" Mike sighed, making a face.

„Great," Alex growled. „Someone is leaking information about me, Mike. I want to know who," she stated, standing up from the bed.

„We should go through the backdoor," Logan said, placing his hand on the small of her back protectively as they started out.

„You know, it won't be that easy," Mike said sounding deflated, following the two. „I mean, you know how journalists are, they don't like giving out their sources."

„I don't care, Mike, make it work somehow," Alex said impatiently.

„Wait here, I'll get the car," Logan said, heading out from the hospital, leaving Alex and Mike in the waiting room.

„We'll figure it out, princess, and until then you can lay low, you need rest anyway," Mike sighed, brushing the side of Alex's arm.

„Alex?" He asked when he saw Alex didn't hear a word he said. „Alex!"

„Garrity," Alex growled irritated, seeing Lyla walking down the hall with one of the reporters.

„What?" Mike stared at her dumbfounded.

„I know who the leak is," she said, making a face.

She should have known, Alex thought. It was just incredibly ridiculous that after all those years Lyla Garrity still held a grudge against her. But she wouldn't let herself get worked up over this. It was fine, she would have a few words with Lyla later…

„Shall we?" Logan asked, stopping next to them.

„Yeah, I will deal with this mess tomorrow," Alex nodded as they started out from the hospital.

Alex sighed as she saw the old playground passing by… The place where it all started, where they used to meet with Tim. Watching the dusty swings being blown by the light wind brought back the feelings of those days.

_Lay my head, under the water  
Lay my head, under the sea_

She still remembered the time when all she wanted to do was shut the world out, wanted everybody to leave her alone...

_Excuse me sir, am I your daughter?  
Won't you take me back, take me back and see?_

How she missed her father each and every day of her life... How she craved that caring, and loving in each moment of a day.

_There's not a time, for being younger_

She never had the kind of childhood after her father passed away that every kid deserved, there was no more time for her to enjoy her youth and do all the things kids do. No more relaxed evenings, no more lack of responsibility, as soon as he was gone she had to step up and become an adult, and leave those years behind her.

_And all my friends, are enemies_

In her eyes everyone was an enemy... She never thought anyone could understand her pain, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of being vulnerable.

_And if I cried unto my mother  
No she wasn't there, she wasn't there for me_

Her mother... She was a joke... Someone who should have never had kids. God knows she wasn't a bad person, simply one who needed a stronger hand to keep her in the real world... She still remembered the times she thought she raised her mother more than her mother raised her.

_Don't let the water drag you down (Don't let the water drag you down)  
Don't let the water drag you down_

But she was strong... With all her flaws, with all her stubborness, and with all her mess, and baggage, she never let them bring her down.

_Broken lines, across my mirror  
Show my face, all red and bruised_

She hated looking into the mirror, every day seeing that same, broken girl staring back at her from the depths of her own eyes...

_Don't let the water drag you down (Don't let the water drag you down)  
Don't let the water drag you down_

But she made it out alive... Which was a small miracle...

"You know, you always know how to make someone cry," Mike sniffled in the back of the car.

"Well, if you cry by this, be happy you didn't know me back then," Alex laughed softly, handing a tissue to Mike.


	22. Chapter 19

**Hello Ladies! The end is close, only two more chapters, and Alex and Tim will have an ending. Thank you for those who still read the story.**

**Again, the biggest thanks for D.**

**CHAPTER 19  
THROUGH THE GHOST**

„I'm so very glad you came to visit, girl," Alex hugged Tyra tightly. „I swear, I feel like I'm in house arrest. Logan acts like a damn cop."

It had been a week since Alex was out of the hospital, and Logan refused to let her go anywhere, not even to do some shopping. It was beginning to get completely ridiculous. Even if she knew he only wanted the best for her, and for the baby, the situation was still absurd.

„Don't worry, I know how you can get when being locked up," Tyra laughed, sitting to the couch. „I wonder how you still haven't killed him yet."

„Believe me, it's a small miracle," Alex growled, pacing up and down in the room.

„Do you read the news?" Tyra asked with a slight irritation in her voice.

„No, Logan doesn't let me, saying some bullshit about how it wouldn't do good for me," Alex shrugged. „But that reminds me…"

„Reminds you of what?" Tyra asked, raising an eyebrow, already excited for some new gossip.

„Guess who the leak is," Alex said, with a hint in your voice that it was big news, a small grin playing over her face.

„Who?" Tyra stared at her, literally sitting on the edge of her seat.

„I said guess, you know you actually have to guess, Tyra," Alex laughed, shaking her head.

„I don't know, girl… Colin Farrell?" Tyra asked, a bit annoyed by Alex's childish game.

„Of course… No, wait, it was Robert Pattinson, he decided to ruin everyone's life after the way Kristen screwed him over publicly," Alex laughed hard, hopping next to Tyra to the couch.

„Haha, I can tell being locked up really does drive you crazy," Tyra groaned, smacking Alex on the shoulder lightly.

„Okay, I will help you," Alex sighed, crossing her legs. „We are talking about someone perfect…"

„Garrity" Tyra groaned with disgust in her voice.

„Ah, you are such a smart woman!" Alex grinned, clapping happily.

„Yes, yes, I am…" Tyra laughed, shaking her head. „What do you wanna do about it?"

„Well… I could use some of your help to get rid of this little problem…" Alex smiled sweetly at Tyra.

„What do you have on mind?" Tyra sighed, rolling her eyes, already knowing this would involve something slippery.

„It's simple, I have to get out of here," Alex stated like it was the easiest task in the world to get through Logan.

„Oh, yeah, that really is simple," Tyra made a face. „Any plans?"

„Well, I need you to take me to Lyla. We can't use my car because Logan took the keys away," Alex started to explain. „And as for getting out of here… Mikey…"

Alex grinned to herself, being proud of her genious plan.

„I seriously don't like it when you use that voice," Mike appeared in the door. „It's way too sweet, and you have that innocent smile on your face, too. Gee, girl, what are you planning now?"

„Mikey, you know I love you, right?" Alex stood up, hugging him with a grin on her face.

„Jesus… I think I don't even wanna know," Mike said, collapsing to the couch.

„Oh, yes, you do," Alex grinned, sitting on his lap. „I need you to distract Logan a bit for me, only for five minutes, or so until we can get out."

„Distract Logan? Are you out of your mind, princess? How am I supposed to do that?" He asked, waving theatrically with his arms.

„I don't know, Mikey, you are such a smart man, I'm sure you can figure something out," she smiled sweetly at him.

„Where do you wanna go by the way?" Mike asked, sighing.

„I have something to deal with but I'll be fine, I promise, Tyra will be with me, right, Tyra?" Alex moved her gaze to her friend in hope of support.

„Yes, yes, I'll be with her, I'll be her bodyguard, and all," Tyra laughed, shaking her head.

„Fine… But if he kills me, my death will be your fault, you know," Mike said dramatically.

„Thank you," Alex squealed, giving a bear hug for Mike.

A few minutes later as Mike left the room Tyra and Alex heard him from the kitchen, practically screaming that he saw a spider in his room, and it was huge, and probably a killer one. The two girls looked at each other, bursting out in laughter, quickly starting out as they heard Logan groaning in disbelief, cursing Mike and his agorophoby.

The trip to Lyla's was short, they were there in no time. Alex was proud of herself for keeping her cool, and knowing she could act like an adult when talking to Miss Perfection.

„Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Tyra looked at her a little bit concerned. It was no surprise she was worried, knowing the past that Alex and Lyla had.

„I'll be fine, no worries," Alex smiled at her before getting out of the car.

She knocked on the door, thinking she hoped she would never have to talk with Lyla Garrity again, and there she was.

„Alex," Lyla gasped. „What a nice surprise!"

„Garrity," Alex smiled at her, rolling her eyes. That sweet voice of Lyla still made her cringe. „May I?"

„Of course, come on in," Lyla smiled at her sweetly, stepping to the side so she could enter the house. „Take a seat in the kitchen, I can make you a tea if you want."

„No, thank you," Alex said as she sat at the table, thinking the crazy woman might even poison her. „I'm not here for small talk."

„Oh, then what may I help you with?" Lyla looked at her like she had no clue.

„You see, Garrity I don't like when people spread gossip about me," Alex started, looking hard at the other woman.

„I can understand that, I mean, who likes that, right?" Lyla nodded, getting busy with some dishes, avoiding Alex's eyes.

„I'm glad you can understand what I mean," Alex smiled to herself. „But do you know what is great about being an international super star?"

„That you get used to it?" Lyla laughed a bit nervously.

„That you have the money to sue anyone who dares to spread lies about you, slander is no funny business," Alex smirked, watching Lyla's body tensing.

„I feel bad for you," Alex said, standing up slowly. „Obviously, you must be a very unhappy person if you're still so obsessed with me… Obviously, you don't have the kind of life you expected for yourself… Like the one you could have if you'd married Tim… If only he hadn't broken up with you because of me…"

Lyla glanced away, her hands in fists.

„If I ever catch you again with a reporter, I will make sure that you have nothing left," Alex stated with a cold tone.

„Alex, please, don't be ridiculous…"

„Shut up, Garrity," Alex narrowed her eyes, stepping to Lyla. „You don't wanna make it worse for yourself now, do you?"

Lyla just stared at Alex, taking a step back.

„Thought so," Alex nodded with a slight smirk on her face.

She started out, leaving Lyla there speechless. As she opened the door, Tim stood there, ready to knock.

„Some things never change, right?" Alex snorted, moving her eyes between Tim and Lyla before pushing Tim out of her way.


	23. Chapter 20

**Hey Ladies! Not much left to say I guess. Hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks for D. for all the support.**

**CHAPTER 20  
MISERY LOVES MY COMPANY**

Tim was walking towards the store, helping out Billy and Mindy with doing some shopping for them. He was thinking about Alex, and the look of disgust on her face when she met him at Lyla's. There was no reason for him to be there other than that no one really talked to him in town other than Lyla.

Billy was always working, Tyra obviously refused to say even a word to him, and certainly, she had to ban Landry from him as well. He felt loney, and alone, dealing with all the shit that had dropped on him suddenly.

He felt like he was 'that Riggins boy' again, his only friend being alcohol, and the questionable company of Lyla. He tried, and talk to Lyla about what Alex was doing at her house but she refused to say anything, even though he could tell the woman was angry, and shaken.

He was lost in his thoughts, walking between the lines, picking diapers, tissues, and some random crap for Billy and Mindy when someone bumped into him.

„Watch your step, asshole," Tim growled angrily, hoping whoever it was would want to start a fight.

He missed that… He missed the chance to let his frustration out through physical activities… A good fight though could definitely help.

„I don't think I'm the asshole, asshole," Logan answered, glaring at Tim.

Tim felt he was losing control as soon as he realized it was Alex's man he had stumbled into. Logan was the last person Tim wanted to see ever again. The man didn't only steal Alex from him but he even knocked her up.

„Yeah, are you having fun playing house with Lexy?" Tim asked, narrowing his eyes.

„Maybe you should lay off the alcohol for two fucking minutes, then you could see the truth," Logan answered, throwing some fruit into his basket.

„What truth? That you went and fucked Alex so good that she got pregnant immediately?" Tim growled, just wanting to beat the crap out of the man.

„Now you listen to me, you drunk prick," Logan glowered, taking a step towards Tim.

Tim didn't need more than that, he punched Logan on the face right at the very moment as the other man stepped up to him. Logan hit back, making him stumble. Tim pushed Logan against one of the shelves, causing bottles, and cans to fall on the ground. Logan grabbed him, and pushed his back against the shelf but then they both stumbled and fell on the floor.

That was the moment when the cops arrived. The good thing in Dillon was that they were always close.

* * *

Sitting in two seperated cells, Tim and Logan refused to look at each other. It was inevitable he would get into jail sooner, or later, Tim thought. Not that he planned it but it still wasn't surprising. Especially that Alex's man was involved… Not enough that arrogant jerk stole Alex, he even thought he could mess with Tim.

„Hey, asshole," Logan called out for him.

Tim wasn't about to care for him… He wouldn't let this idiot to get under his skin.

„For one, use that tone of voice again when talking about Alex, and you aren't going to be taken by the cops but by the ambulance, two, I've never fucked Alex, and three, if you only stopped feeling so fucking sorry for yourself maybe you could realize that you were the one who knocked her up, and left her alone…  
Just like you've always done when she needed you," Logan snapped, with a deadly finality.

„Hunter," a young officer arrived, opening the door of Logan's cell. „You are released."

Tim sat there, watching Logan walking away with angry steps, not entirely sure of what he'd heard. Could it be… Could it be that he was the father of Alex's baby? Surely, this asshole would have no reason to tell him this if it wasn't true.

Not long after he left Tim was released as well, Billy bailed him out as soon as Tim called him. Instead of going home, Tim decided that he needed some time to think everything over, with clear mind.

Tim drove out to the cliffs, the only place he knew he could have some time to try and figure this out. This was the one place he could actually be removed from everything in his life, every distraction, good and bad. The open spaces and rolling scenery always helped him reflect, whatever his mood.

He was a failure, he'd known that all of his life. Probably the only person who was as bad as him was Alex, and that was why she always understood him, why they were so perfect for each other.

Was it possible he was the one who screwed this up again? It wouldn't be a surprise after all. Logan was right, and he was an asshole. If what the man said was true, and the baby was his… He didn't even want to think about the kind of pain he caused Alex with letting her down again.

He sat there on the bonnet of his car, leaning back against the windshiled and watching the clouds pass by, idly throwing a small collection of pebbles he'd gathered on the way, over the edge of the cliff. Each small click of stone on stone providing the tempo to his thoughts. He was an asshole '**click**', he'd made a mistake '**click**', he was alone '**click**', Alex hated him '**click**', the baby was his '**click**'.


	24. Chapter 21

**Hello Ladies! Last chapter... Don't worry, there'll be an epilogue.**

**Thanks for D. again.**

**Recommended song: Bird On The Wire by Leonard Cohen**

**CHAPTER 21  
BIRD ON THE WIRE**

"Sorry about what happened, kitten… He just pushed me, and I certainly couldn't let him do that with saying things what I couldn't tolerate…" Logan explained, obviously, a little bit ashamed of how childish it was from both of Tim and him to get into a fight.

"Relax, Marine, the only thing why you should be sorry for is that you didn't get me the ice cream, and the non-alcoholic beer," Alex laughed, hugging him. "I really wanted those."

"I can go if you still want it," Logan smiled, placing a small kiss on Alex's forehead.

"Well, now that you offered it," she grinned. "Hopefully you won't stumble into Tim again."

"I'm just glad Mike wasn't here," Logan rolled his eyes, laughing himself about how hilarious the whole thing was.

"Oh, don't worry, I will tell him as soon as he gets back from LA," Alex smiled sweetly, hopping to the couch.

"I'm not getting you anything from the store if you tell him," Logan threatened her, trying to look serious. "Now, how about that?"

"Fine, I won't tell him," Alex mumbled, pouting, thinking she didn't promise anything, and she would still tell Mike as soon as he was back, and after she got her ice cream, and non-alcoholic beer.

"Good girl," Logan laughed softly, seeing her pouting face.

Alex eyes moved to her buzzing phone, it was Mike.

"Hey Mikey," she answered the phone.

"Hey girl, I'm at the airport, arrived earlier than I expected," Mike said. "Could you come, and pick me up, please?"

"Sure, Logan will go and get you," Alex nodded.

"Thanks, will see you soon then," Mike said, ending the call.

"Where am I going?" Logan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You're going to pick up Mike from the airport. He arrived earlier than he expected," Alex explained.

"Why on Earth he can't get his damn license, and own car?" Logan mumbled, slightly irritated. "I don't wanna leave you here for such a long time."

"Gee, I will have a baby but I'm not one, Logan," Alex rolled her eyes. "It's only a few hours. I'll be fine."

"I still don't like it," Logan stated stubbornly.

"Well, I guess then you'll have to live this way," Alex bit her bottom lip to supress a laugh.

"Fine but keep your phone nearby, just in case anything happens," Logan said, starting out.

"Will do, Sir," Alex answered, nodding crazily. "Just go now."

After Logan left Alex decided to make some fries. The TV buzzed in the background softly. Some gossip news was aired. She turned when she heard her own name but the picture she saw was worse than her worst nightmare.

It was Ryan's photo in the corner of the screen, saying he was released from prison. Alex swallowed hard, squeezing the knife in her hand hard without realizing what she was doing.

Quickly she ran through the house checking if everything was closed, and secured, she pulled all the curtains, so the big glass door leading to the garden was also dark.

Tyra and Landry were out of town for some kind of conference, so she couldn't call them to go over, and just be with her until Logan and Mike got back.

For a moment she was thinking about calling Logan but she didn't want to scare him, or make him turn back. She would be fine. Probably Ryan had better things to do than try and kill her again. Not that he had so much else to do in prison, other than thinking about how she ruined him…

It would be fine, Alex repeated to herself, putting her phone into her pocket.

She tried her best to stay calm, and relax. She sat down with her fries, and started to watch Mr. Popper's Penguins which was a cheesy film but she was in the mood for that, and it distracted her.

Alex was sleeping on the couch when a loud sudden crash woke her up, making her fall on the floor. She knew immediately it was the glass door that was broken in.

"Where are you, doll? I'm home," she heard Ryan's voice, and she could tell he was getting closer to where she was.

She stood up slowly from the ground, heading towards the stairs, trying to be as fast as possible and just as quiet at the same time.

"There's my baby," Ryan growled, suddenly grabbing her hair from behind, knocking her head to the bannister of the stairs, making Alex unconscious.

Tim was riding through town, heading to Alex. It did good for him to have some time to think over everything with a clear mind. He was an asshole, he knew that. God knew it wasn't the first, not even the second time he screwed Alex over.

But things would change now. Everything would change if she could only forgive him… if she could only forgive him for everything he put her through over the years.

Even if Alex couldn't forgive him, and forget about what he'd done with her in the past, Tim knew they would still have something that would always keep them close to each other, and that was their child.

Thinking of it Tim realized what an incredibly stupid idea it was that the baby wasn't his. He only wanted to think that because he felt way too sorry for himself, and he was jealous.

As he stopped the car in front of Alex's house, he heard a loud crashing. He jumped out of the car immediately, running towards the house.

The door was locked but it didn't stop him. He was a god damn fullback of the Dallas Cowboys for fuck' sake, a damn door couldn't stop him. He kicked the door open, looking around quickly.

That was when he saw it. A man knocked Alex's head to the wooden bannister of the stairs. Tim needed no more, he was running towards them with such force, even a giant would have been afraid.

He pushed the man on the floor, who couldn't even react to his unexpected appeareance. Tim started to hit him again, and again until the man's face looked more like a bloody steak than a person, and he didn't stop even then.

"Tim," the soft voice of Alex snapped him out of his state.

He turned towards her, letting go of the man under him.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you more?" He asked concerned, moving to Alex, taking a look at her bleeding forehead.

"Finally, you got here in time," Alex smiled weakly, hugging Tim tightly, placing a small kiss on his lips.


End file.
